Sorry!

Excuse for the lack of posts for the last month. It's been a big ride. There was a major depression that I now had to see a counsellor. Moving house was another major event. A big trip after Christmas to Paihia, north of where I live. I will post more about the trip in impending posts. Now, I am sorry to say but because I don't have internet access at the new house, I can't write more. I am using the internet at my uncle K's house.

Moving

Tonight we boxed some things ready for the new house. Tomorrow will be the moving day for me, as we will shift some small items to the new premise. Saturday is the official moving day because the douche had ordered a moving truck for the purpose.

I am not happy to find and ready to move house. Tonight was a light packing. I just dread packing things. It's not how I like to roll.

The moving house was actually meant to be two weeks ago on the Monday. On Sunday before THAT Monday, the parents were sleeping at the new house, leaving the little ones with us. They slept in their parents' room, with Jord and Jude were so happy. I remembered they played and laughed in the room until I threatened to separate them for the night, then they stopped and snoozed off in some time.

I lost track in what I wanted to say. What I really wanted to say is that I don't like moving after having done so for many times. Fifteenth times infact. It's not going to stop because that would mean I have to live with the douche forever, which is something I dont wish. I am going to have to endure some more movings.

Festival

Today is a mixed bag. You got good, middle and bad times.
Good:

• The kids' market day at school. As same with last year, the parents attended the festival, but this time we were treated to buying th goods the children made particularly for the occasion. Jude was making cupcakes for her cafe called KEKE CAFE. She served for the first ten minutes and left with us to shop around. We went to buy her cupcakes. My sister bought four thinking one for each of the children (the twins were with us). She enjoyed it a lot. Love that about my little girl.
  Jord was the gardener for the night. He had planted petunia plant in this cut out bottle with seed. It was so cute. When my sister went to buy it, the teacher said specifically that he had made the best looking one in the bunch. Proud of him.


• Gran and my uncle came to see the festival as well. They didn't partake in much of the activities but at least they were there for the twins.


• I have improved a bit from the severe depression that I had for the last one and a half week. It started last week's Tuesday, but it had gotten slightly better.


• Talked to Sheree on the helpline. She was somewhat helpful and told me to not be too harsh on myself. She told me to see councillor.


• Had lunch and dinner at Gran's. T was the cook and she is a great chef. Loved her foods.

Ok's

• Went to have my Gran's photos taken. She is leaving to Cambo in fifteen days. My uncle wants to sponsor her back, so we took her to have her photos taken. She will need a medical checkup.


• I talked to the immi people. Apparently the lady who does our case is named Marian. Our case is not priority to them as we are under section 35a for breaching some regulation before. It will take about a few months but our case looks pretty good, according to the receptionist.

Bad:

• The fucking parents didn't come to the festival after promising to Jude that they'd be there. Shit. When we got home late at around 8.30pm, they were only present in the house a few minutes prior and were about to have dinner. Shit. When we got inside the house, no word at all asking about the festival. Only the mum asking abit like what was the plant Jord was carrying. Otherwise, no words. They were more interested in the new house because that was the topic of the night when they informed K about the paints Douche bought. Not sure what the paints were for as I didn't listen, but for a guess, I'd say it's for the roof.


• Finding out that I had to wait for the next few months for results on our case. Shit. Pissed. I will sue them when I get it for the emotional damage that the waiting had inflicted upon me and my sister.


• The sinking feeling reappeared at the festival. It was meant to be fun but my corrupt mind wasn't letting go of the sorrow i felt. It was and is shitting my head so badly.

Inevit

I am in a deep depression right now. It's something far greater than the usual sadness that I would get. Years ago I had the same thought, now it has returned one night and has been in my mind.

Day at the Beach

Sunday, how it went and so on:

• My brother called early in the morning around 8.30am. That is early in my book, ok. So he asked if we wanted to come with him to the flea market over the other side of city. We agreed because there was nothing we planned by ourselves. In the next one hour, he came, with his wife, and off we went to the market.
  
  The weather was humid, and the atmosphere was fun. I loved it because we skimmed through the market as though there was nothing else to do, which was the truth. We went round and round the place, burnt in the hair and all. Nonetheless, it was fun to be out and to be at a location far enough to be called an outing.
  
  Lunch at this Chinese restaurant, in the city. A new restaurant and was recommended by my brother's friend, who said it was cheap and delicious. It was in fact proven false as we tried to day. Dearer than anywhere we'd been to and the dishes were somewhat ok. Surely my brother said he's never return.
  
  The whole afternoon was spent at the beach where the children were playing in the water, while we were sitting, chatting away. It was not ideal for me because I just couldn't sit and does nothing for hours, yet this afternoon I wasn't my choice to do such thing. My brother and his wife did pick to sit and "relax" with the cool breeze brushing against your skin in the hot, hot sun. Anyway, there we sat, watching others play, and all we did was walk around and then sat somemore. The children, on the other hand, were enjoying themselves.
  
  We had dinner at the Chinese restaurant. It is a place my brother has come to enjoy, as we had many meals there. For me, I never liked the place. Salty and oily foods are not my cup of tea. Despite my distaste for the place, I couldn't help but remained silent.
  
  Coming back to this hell hole, it felt wrong again. The douche was being a douche, and he had his things packed and moved to the new house, without telling us a word why he had done so one day prior to the moving date. He also said he'd sleep at the new place tonight, meaning we are going to look after the children by ourselves tonight.
  
  FCK!
  
  So that's the whole day. I genuinely liked it.

UH!

• Jude is at it again. After my telling her the other day about her not listening to me, she is performing the same thing, which is not freaking hearing what I had been telling her. I said she should do her homework. Work on the familiar ones first, then when she gets stuck, come ask me for aid. Something I had already said for some many times before. Of course, it didn't pan out with planned. She didn't even bother to contribute to the easier questions, yet alone attempting to focus on the harder ones. It's frustrating to me, because I am the one who is helping her. HUH
• The family is destined to move next Monday. They got the keys yesterday, when they met with the realtor, in the while I was at work with K there as well. I still haven't gotten to pack anything yet.
• WHY do I keep on feeling guilty whenever....?

Suck

• The shouting, the yelling, the screaming, the chaos. It's all happened today, and within minutes of each other. It's all ugly.
• It's probably routine. The life that is called mine.
• Pimples on face, now have permeated onto my chest.
• Why does it suck so bad? Everything about me. Why me?

Sunday

The children are not at home today. Hooray!! Ok the celebration is temporary of course but still. The reason for the children going to shop was that the builder who comes to renovate the house is here, so the children went there to keep their company. Of course, there would be shopping for the children, that's why they were so eager to go.

With the children gone, and the douchebag and the builder at home, there is no choice in us staying at the house. We headed out to get something to eat. There was this roast restaurant, and we ate there. Not that good in my opinion. Sitting there and eat for thirty minutes or so, we then left for the supermarket. It wasn't long until we got out and were returning to the house. It's sad, yeah, but there was nothing else to do. We're this lame.

Upon reaching the house, the builder and the douche were still here. Not for long, though, because in the next thirty minutes they left. I don't see what they did. I haven't asked my sister either, but there was something they did.

The children are now back. One has fallen asleep while the other one is annoying others.

Tonight we are invited to go to my uncle's house to have BBQ. They are throwing a party. I am guessing there'd be many people who will turn. I remember the previous I attended at the same place, the house was packed that the garage was used to accomodate some of the visiters. My uncle knows people.

There you go, my day. Routine, boring, and just plain. Am looking forward to the party though. Especially the food.

New Nanny + Others

Today is ok. The events that occurred are as follows:

• Jude was still sick so she didn't go to school. Her dad was here to see her and eventually took her to the doctors. It turned out, all she needed was plenty of rest, water, and the liquid nutrient water. The same things my sister had suggested her do and have. Anyway, she's doing alot better.


• My brother came to visit. He apparently won this snooker tournament that has been going on for the last four months. It came to the conclusion when he won the overall competition. The prices were a big chunk of ham (yeah, I know) and a cool looking lether jacket. He came here to give us the ham, and also to interrogate my sister about the situation with the people. It was just the yoosh, really.


• Found out about the new nanny to the twin has difficult life. First of all, I forgot to mention before that my littlest uncle got a new nanny, who would replace Gran, who was going overseas by end of December. Her first night was about two weeks, and she spoke little Teochew, which is problematic. Nonetheless, she seems like a good carer, and I think it is good that my uncle has finally showed some thinking capability about his children would-be transition when Gran leaves.
  Anyway, the new nanny, who I'll call T from now on, revealed to my sister about her family. It is a sad story in that she had lost her only son when he had a freak motorbike accident. She raised the boy by herself and when the accident here, she reglected that she wasn't there as she just migrated here and didn't have funds to return. It must be difficult to carry the guilt of not being with her son for the final farewell for the rest of your life. It's definitely heavy in the heart as each night comes thinking of that poor decision to not return to bury your own son.
  Her family back home is relying on her to send them money. That's why she's working really hard and she's willing to sacrifice her freedom to buy bread her family. I hope all the best for her in the future hearing about this. Maybe some day when she saves sufficient funds to start a better for herself, and for her family back home.


• Got my blood test today. I should've got it yesterday but the receptionist said we overshot our fastings, meaning we fasted for too long. It should be between 8-12 hours of not consuming foods, but we went for 17. Way to long and it could manipulate the true outcome of the blood test. Thus, we had to come back this morning.

Jude Poodie

When the girl got to school, she was still eating her breakfast. It was a slice of bread with Nutella. She was eating slowly to the point that I had to wait for her to fully consume it before we entered the school gate. Earlier in the morning, she got up telling me that her stomach was growling. I didn't take notice at first since this is the day she was going to swimming class, so I naturally assumed she'd battle a little sickness for the fun time she was going to have at the pool. There I took her to her class, kissed her on the cheek, said goodbye and left.

The phone rang at about half an hour later. My sister went to pick it up, listening intently on the conversation. She then proceeded to tell me that Jude was vomitting on the bus on their way to the swimming pool. She had to be brought back home. So my sister and I immediately took the car to the place and found her sitting in the entrance with her teacher, waiting for us. She was also carrying a puke container as she got on the car. The teacher said something to my sis, and we left for home.

Got back to the house, we brought Jude inside and had her washed her mouth and got dressed into casual clothes. We thought we'd take her to the doctors, but somehow there wasn't anybody in the office. We were also in a rush to get our bodies checked by the practitioner. At first, we thought we might get her to stay with Gran for the duration we're at the medical place. But the girl insisted that she'd able to tag along, so we just let her come. Eventually, we had to drop her off at Gran's when she was feeling worse. Her dad came to the house to take a look and said she wasn't required to see a docter. That was where we had to depart for our own checkups, so Jude was staying with Gran watching cartoon.

The checkup was an hour long. The wait wasn't that bad as we could have worse. The place was unhygenic for my liking. The charges are freaking rip off. Here are the costs for each test we received: xray- $80each person totalling $160 for two people, the blodd test is $110 each ($220both) and the general medical checkup is $150 ($300). In all, just for the whole body checkup that is not even that comprehensive in my opinion, they robbed up out of our deep pocket for $680. RIP OFF I tell ya!! I am glad though it's only one off payment and I don't have to see them ever again!

Upon our return, we went to see how Jude was doing at Gran's. Gran informed us that the girl was doing better as she had something for lunch. She just laid down on the couch watching the cartoon in the time we were away. Jord, who got back from school, arrived at the house, and from there that we decided to come back home.

The girl is doing ok. Her parents are now tending to her needs. I feel bad for her. This morning I should've paid more attention and listened to her. It was my selfish decision that I kinda wished the girl would go to school. I wanted to be free from responsibility as I was goind to take the medical examination. It was just bad on my part. And tomorrow, she will stay home with us.

Work

The builders were supposed to be at the house today. They were going to fix the roof as their earlier effect wasn't complete. The douche, who was also supposed to be here to oversee the whole project, had asked my sister to wait for them. If they arrived, she would therefore give him a call, informing of such news. However, we waited and waited until 11-ish. I suggested to my sister to phone the douche saying just that, and she obeyed. It was then that we found out why the builders never showed up.

The builders WERE coming, but as they were approaching the house, they called the douche for something. Then the douche, who was busy, told them that he was unlikely to turn up and therefore they shouldn't continue their work today. Thus the cancellation. I didn't understand. Why then didn't he call us of the news, so there wouldn't be a long wait for my sister and I. As my sister intentionally waited to delay her trip to the shop for as long as possible, she didn't mind that. But on the other hand, what was the point of going to work at 11.30 when you'd have to leave in about two hours later? Seriously.

So she drove to work in the next few minutes even though she didn't want to. It sucks but we don't have a choice. Living with them in their house, it is their rules we have to abide by. My sister hated going to the shop, yet through obligation she is made to do what she's opposed. They don't ask whether we enjoy doing what they have asked us to do. No once had they showed any sign of sympathy to our situation. We just do it, despite the objection from own will. No freedom of choice at all. That is one of the reasons why I hate living here.

I am guessing that the builders will return tomorrow. I am so glad because I will go have my medical checkup tomorrow, meaning we won't see each other. Heh.

Medical Papers

Today is somewhat funny. The weather in the morning suggested that the day would be grey and horrible. However as the day moves on, it turns out that the morning sign was misleading.

My sister and I were sharing the same mood as how the weather was. We planned on going to get my sister her pair of glasses she had ordered two weeks ago. Then, we would go to newmarket, where we would get the medical check papers in order to get the checkup in the week. When we landed at the location, my sister went in because as usual, I was pissed over how screwed up everything is to even set foot in there. Eventually she came back with the papers, with an attached note pasted on it. It read to call the doctor who will be seeing us. As we couldn't call then and there, we returned home, and to find that the referred doctor is no longer in the practice. But though, the lady over the phone informed us that we should just turn up anytime. No appointment is required and someone will see to us.

That was bad for me. I couldn't apprehend the feeling that go through my body. It's just that I couldn't think of how screwed my life is from the beginning. And to have the future possibly be taken away after many years endured through all sorts of storm that passed our way, it is a big ask to see face to it. Anyway, my sister is more brave than me when she could let go of the possibility and deal with it, like she had done a few weeks back and this morning.

In the afternoon, we ate out. Then, we headed to borrow some movies. It was a good nice break from the thinking this morning had brought upon us. Until now, it had been a good afternoon, albeit going to pick the kids.

Stuck

On Friday, it hit me suddenly. The children are only one month away from finishing their school year. Jord would go to the next level from second to third, with Jude, who will advance to fourth. It is so fast, the time. Only short time ago they were so small and cuddly. Now, they've grown to have their own lives.

Anyway, this isn't the actual post I want to write about. I want to tell about my situation. More like my future. It is not coming fast even. The family is transitioning when they shift to their new property in the ensuing weeks. I, on the other hand, am still stuck, and on the way things look, it is highly likely that I will move in with them into the new house. It sucks, because when I heard about them moving, I had this vision that we'd separate from the family this point forward and it would look like a good split. Boy, was I wrong. Not only am I wrong, it is likely that I will have to suck up to them for some time as the documents that the people had submitted are delaying due to the lack of evidence, etc.. WIth that, I am forever trapped.

My brother, today, had a good go at my sister for being foolish in thinking we could move apart from the family this soon. He was a jerk, but my sister shouldn't've told him to begin with. We know how he would react, but she was adamant that she could just break into this iceberg with any damage. Apparently, the iceberg was the cause of the disaster that kept her head down when we went out with my brother and his wife this afternoon.

He said that with nothing is certain we shouldn't move out at all. Yeah, like I haven't figured this out already. For the fact that my life is in the situation in the first place doesn't echo why I have been biting my lips for so long. To him, being here is at least some sanctuary to what the outside world might offer. I have to beg to differ. Being in this house is like being in prison, plus providing the wards with luxuries that they, themselves, don't deserve one bit. It sucks already, but this guy, who calls himself my brother, still didn't get the clue to why we, for our sanity and closure, desperately in need of the move. Nothing could persuade him, in the end.

So nothing is going to happen. The people, on Saturday emailed my sister to have us get medical checks. They, once and one year ago, said we wouldn't need such check as our case is one of a kind, seeing that we have been going through it for a long time. Somehow, they now need it, despite their earlier implication. I was pissed when I heard from my sister. For one, they made us wait for this fcking eternity. Secondly, the waiting had and has been decimating any normal sane brain cells in my head for the last part of my life. They now want more checks from us.

My sister, being herself, put some sense into all of this. She would tell me that we should obey the rules since we are the ones who seek their help. They are obligated to make whatever adjustments to suit the beaucratic system. She would plan out how we would deal with it, like this coming Monday, we will go collect the medical papers and have body checks, using the people's doctor. We use the people's doctor as they have been doing this more often and it's the safer route since our own doctor don't know about the situation we are in. So it is just for precaution in that sense.

With everything is changing; the children's eventual shift levels, the family are house moving, we are at a still. What we would do is just sit and wait. Something we know oh-so-well how to do for last eleven years.

Ill

This past week had been hell. First, I was battling the severe depression that kept me awake in the night. Then, out of nowhere, sickness in the stomach overtook my whole body, which had me faced with going to the doctors on Monday. It was just bad.

The doctor said that my illness was due to food poisoning. My sister who was consuming the same food with me didn't get the same sickness, because her immune system was apparently working well, whereas mine was not. My apparent lack of sleeps was the cause to the weakened state of the immune system. Now, everything is ok. No more pain. Thank God.

My insomnia, in which I had informed my doctor, was a result of excess of thinking. Thinking about things that worry me. Of course, I already know that. But I didn't truly tell him why I had these worries, as it was not his business. He, nonetheless, asked me to take my blood to test out any physical malfunctions. It is a good start. Results won't come back for another week, so we'll see.

The whole week was terrible at best. I don't want to experience the near death feeling ever again. It takes so much toll on your mentality. Glad it's gone.

Shit Happens

The girl is getting on my nerves. She and I just don't get along.

Tonight as I was trying to get her practice her piano, she went " I don't want to. I am saying no!" in the most obnoxious tone. Sht. I was getting pounded by a little girl. I didn't even want to, too, but I felt she probably needed it before going to her piano class. Last lesson she got a lolly because she had practised and obviously it showed, so the tutor gave her it. I envisioned it would be the same this week, thus the asking of her to practise tonight. When she responded with the attitude, it hit me again. The first and foremost reason I don't like her.

So from now on, I don't bother. If she wants to be like this, let her be. Don't bother the fact she'd be getting shouted at by the tutor, who at times does it as the girl is that nuisance to her. This actually makes my life easier.

But at times, I feel sorry for her. When she goes to the piano class without any practise, there is an emotion of not wanting to make her attend a place where she'd most likely get scolded at. The parents apparently don't care, so why should I? Only I cared. Too much, infact. I see the problem everyday, so it actually hit me more as the insult from the tutor is more toward the primary caregiver, aka me. When that happens, I just went into the failure mood. I should've done more, or pretect her from these types of issues.

And then today happened that made me feel even worse for caring. She doesn't bother to put the work in, yet seizes every opportunity to evade work. It just doesn't roll with me, which prompts arguments or animosity between the two of us as tonight had done. Right now I don't even want to see her. That is how betrayed I feel.

Insomnia

For the past month I haven't had a good night sleep. It always consists of my mind wondering in the imaginationland. It is hard for me to concentrate on counting sheep. Yeah, I do attempt to make the sheep help me snooze off, but it was never made to avail.

When last night came to call for sleep, I wasn't doing well in the department to get my head around that idea. It made it worse when I think that morning is only a few hours away, which I don't particularly like. I kept feeling wanting to lay my head and just be off in the snoozefest, but that feeling didn't transcend to sleep at all. Instead, my head began to ache. So the whole night I was battling to sleep, I was also made to fight the new found headache that pound ridiculously strong. It's, like, my head is conspiring against my will.

Of course, my head succumbed and eventually fell asleep. When morning arrived, I couldn't help but felt extremely tiresome. I am sick and tired of having this emotion, the feeling to want but couldn't fall asleep. My sister tells me that it is due to depression, something she always says. She, too, does have moments like this. Yet, the only cure for it to find the courage to acknowledge the pain that is causing the stress. I hate it when she makes sense.

I know the root behind the insomnia but I don't have the means to confront it. It is actually beyond my own apprehension because the people, who have the power to solve this, don't know about my depression and probably don't care. They are sitting at their office tables, eating donuts or whatever. Waiting for the future sure does have a toll to your mental health. These people should have just fcking process the documents faster, or at least tell us when they'd finish, so we can have a foundation in our heads. I know they won't listen.

I tell myself that it'd be not before long that we'd find out when we are standing in this situation. Telling myself is one, but seeing the actual result is another. It was the same thing I said last year, and look at where I am now. I just hope it'd be true this time. It'd be something definitely would cure the insomniac episodes.

Halloween

Oops, I am blogging about the day one day after it happened. I was just crazy last night, feeling down and completely neglected to write about the events . Anyway, this is a catchup story.

So in my neck of the woods, we don't do much trick-or-treating. Only a handful of children wondering around, all dressed up in their princess or prince costumes, asking for candy. My little two are no exception. Last night, they dressed up as a pirate and Tinkle Bell , the same costumes they wore yesteryear, because I couldn't afford to buy them new costumes. The kids didn't mind as sweets are what they were looking forward to the most. Off they went to hunt for the lollies they had been craving for since the morning earlier. My sister took them out while I was not in the mood to do so. They seemed happy and of course very energetic about getting the treats. So the night was a success.

In the earlier events, my brother and his wife came to the house. This came as a shocking revelation in seeing my sister in-law as we haven't seen her for some time. She looked magnificent as always, though a bit sadistic. When we landed at a restaurant for lunch, her mood suddenly changed to replace her quiet self before. She was more talkative, informing about the movie that she and her hubby had seen the previous night which was a horror flick. I was glad to hear that they, at least, spend some quality time together.

After which the lunch was finished, we headed to the new Chinatown around our place. It was quite cool and the children, along with the couple, seemed enjoying the trip. So all was well, I suppose.

Halloween this year is cool. Loved it, and the children obviously loved it too.

Bothersome

Things that bother me right now:

1. The children are being neglected by their own parents. It is really stupid to think that these people are the ones who gave birth to them and yet they don't seem to think that their actions now will have a negative consequence in the future. Take tonight for example; the dad, after having dinner, went straight to the outside living to consume the tv time and he had completely ignored the children who were bored with their head out. The mum was not that helpful either. She would lay on the couch sleeping, unaware that the children were nearby who might be watching the provocative things on tv. I can't help but think for the worst when I leave this place eventually.


2. Each day is like a routine. Yeah like right now, I am doing exactly the same thing I did last night which was using the computer. The thing I can't help it to feel this way, which wasn't my taking in the first place.


3. My sister is going to the doctors yesterday, something she lied to me about. Well, technically she didn't tell the truth. She went out to the doctors when I was asleep. Seeing she came back from somewhere, I had to ask her where she had been, to which she replied that it was nothing. Eventually, I managed to extract some information. She is having problems with her bladerr, apparently it is hurting her. So she is seeing the doctors to find out why is that so? It is nothing major, but the fact that she was so compelled to lie to me about this sort of things tells me she still thinks I am still a child. She now knows though of my sentiment.

The News About Our Futures

Ok the title sould've said last week because I am now blogging on a Monday. I just forgot about posting last night because I was exhausted from spending the day outside. Anyway, it doesn't matter since it is my blog afterall.

The whole had been news packed. On Monday, we spent that day at my brother's house because he had called us to go there to pick this gift from my other bro, who lives in Sydney. This part, I believe, I had written about in an earlier post. So I won't repeat myself.

Tuesday was an anxious day. We only stayed at home because we just wanted to relax and forget about it. Not going into details, but that night I felt sick to the stomach. I didn't want to think of the possibility that the people could answer. It was not a good night sleep.

Wednesday came with us going to the people. We drove and K and I brainstormed of what we would say. She repeatedly told me to remain in the car, because I was in a wreck on the looks of my face. She would say whatever comes to her head if they wanted more information. Of course I trust her, so whatever she tells them I would believe she says it to the best of her ability. When we arrived, we waited for a few minutes, feeling more anxiety. It was time and off she went into the building to find out about my futures.

I waited for about thirty minutes inside the car. I just had a bad feeling. Why did it take this long to just tell you some information? Does she have to answer many questions? Is that why the duration was this long? I then proceeded to occupy my mind by drawing some random pictures on a piece of paper.

Upon her return, she told me not to worry. It was a vague statement, which I took to mean that it was a bad news. She didn't elaborate on it until we reached at a Subway restaurant. We ate there and then she would let go some of the information, saying that it is good. A good sigh of relieve. Though, I shouldn't keep my dreams up, she said, as it is not finalised. She wanted to see the approved documents, then we should be happy. Therefore, we should just keep our hopes high still and don't be cocky about it.

This is contrary to what my sister, fast forward into the night, had questioned me. She asked what do I want to do, uni or work? This is a bit weird as we already spoke about not keeping our dreams until the final results are in. But I can't blame her for this. She and I have been deprived of hoping for a better future for the last ten years, so in the least we can have this moment to dream. She talked about where we would live and how we would earn for a living. It was then that she informed me of what the people had told and how we would expect an answer by two weeks or so. Good to hear.

Thursday came and nothing spectacular occurred. We just relaxed and we chatted even more about what to do after this is all done.

Friday was the day we spent at my brother's house again. He texted me, asking us to visit him and have lunch there. Before we complied, K wanted to have a hair cut. A new look. She and I were then drove off to the hair salon. About thirty minutes to noon, we headed to my brother's place. We ate there, watched tv and Youtube, and whatelse, called my mum. It was just a routine. We didn't let go of the information to my brother or to my mum until we truly know about it. So in the meanwhile, whenever they ask about it, our response will have to be to wait some more.

Saturday was quite average in that the children were shifted to their classes respectively. The builders came to take out the bathroom sink and they told us not to expect a replacement for two weeks, apparently their boss is out of town or something like that. My Mandarin isn't that good. Then out of nowhere, my aunt came back home and gossiped a disturbing piece of news. She said my littlest uncle and his wife want a DIVORCE. Really. That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard from them. And they have made so many stupid things. If the split is to really proceed, I think they are really myopic and are selfish individuals.

Yesterday was an eventful day. Ken came to the house and took us out to have lunch. We spent the day with him just window shopping. The children tagged along as Gran was absent from her house. The children were extremely annoying. They asked alot, when they saw things at the store and wanted us to buy the items for them. Yeah, as if I grow money from trees. It was an exhausting experience as my body was tiring out by evening. So upon returning to this house, I had a nap which made me forget to blog.

So there you go, the week. It had it's share of good news like the Wednesday event and of bad news like the news of divorce of uncle and his wife. Just another week to survive...

Learning About The Outcome

It is good news afterall. I don't know what is the true outcome yet as my sister is hoarding the information to herself. She went in this morning without me, as I was more emotionally connected to it and she not wanting me to feel any more worse. So when she came out, she did not tell me about what the people had told her. She, however, warranteed me that it is good.

I trust my sister. She is afterall the only person I've lived with all my life. So when she decides not she doesn't feel right in sharing with me some information, I believe she has the best interest for me. I will find out eventually.

When will the outcome be finalised? My sister says the people don't know yet. It is thought to be by Christmas, because what they are doing is formalising all the documents, which they say, won't be long. Hopefully it will be true.

Shoot!

SH*T!!!

News

Got the news this afternoon. Came back from Ken's place when he told us to go there to pick up a birthday card that my other brother had sent for me. When we arrived, we ate and played some games on his computer. As part of the routine, Ken dialled the phone for me to speak with M, at times when I don't even want to. Our conversation this afternoon was one of those times I don't wish to be speaking with her, because basically there isn't much to talk about. My brother, not caring for my emotional need, didn't care about it. Nonetheless, my mum and I conversed for about twenty mintues or so. It was rather quick.

We talked about SH, who was staying with me and my sister before she left for OZ, who had got her wish came true. She said how SH had been doing these things rightly, something when I hear made me green with envy. She's got her life back, yet my life is still uncertain.

Another topic was M wanting me or K to call the people. She wanted our situation to be dealt with, so we could find out exactly where our situation truly lies. It sucks because she is right. I can't stand being here. My sister is in the same boat. But yet when you hear this from the very same person who put you here in the first place, had gotten to you sentimentally. It actually pissed me off even more. Why didn't she deal with it when we were younger?

So after the phone call, we got back and K received a message from the people. They apparently received information and called us to meet with them this coming Wednesday. My heart sank. When you hear that, something isn't right. You can just feel it in your bones. I hope I am wrong, but life is just unfair in this way. Time will only tell.

Return to School

Term 4 is starting today. Kids were excited to go back, and so was I. The holiday had been ok but there is nothing like solitary time to myself, and that with the children gone to school for six hours a day, I am able to get my mind around living again. At this time my sister is going to pick them from school. Maybe she is taking them to library.

Today is ok I guess. I had a haircut that I had been meaning to get ever the hair had gotten long. The holiday was not a good time because it would mean I had to go out with it, and I don't usually like the feeling of having my hair shortened. I know it sounds shallow of me, but it had been one of my worst pet peeves.

New Location

Our bathroom basin has suffered from an operation

They are moving to the new house in two months. That is according to Jude, their daughter and the girl who likes to listen on adults' conversations. The new house is number 7, so they simply relocated to the same number.

This house, which is under revonations of its own, will be rented off. They already paid the mortgage for this property and with the new property now under a new contract, the rent payments will go to cancel out it. This of course means that they are getting the new house for free (well, except for the down payments.)

The renovations are a nuisance and to them it will be worth it. They paid these people to come and rip off the basins in the two bathrooms. The builders would wait for two weeks to replace the basins, which I find it to be weird. Who would let their clients sinkless for two weeks- where would we brush our teeth? Anyway , it is not my property, therefore something like this I shouldn't voice my concern on. The builders are getting well paid by the way. According to my sister, they are receiving a big fat cheque at the end of it all which will last for two months. That is why the family will migrate to the new location after the renovation is done.

Random News

My brother is playing in this snooker tournament today and tomorrow. By tournament I mean an amateur one, just in case people start to think my brother is a professional player when he isn't.

Anyway, he invited me to go today to watch him play and of course, being a good brother that I am, I said yes. And being a good promise keeper that I am, I didn't go! I called him to cancel just before my decision to decline going which makes me looking worse off. My brother didn't care, and by the sounds over the telephone, he was enjoying himself. I don't know if I'll be attending tomorrow either.

So why is he competing in this amateur contest? His pool club is, and him being a member was invited to join. That is why he is playing. How far he goes in the tournament depends how good he is. Hearing from my brother, he isn't bad. So we'll see if he can win.

In a separate news, my sister is going gaga again all day today. She was acting abnormally (normal for her), feeling sad that she is spending her days in the confines of this house. I am sad too, but I don't act with as much disappointment as she is. Her actions really aggravate me sometimes. Today is one of them. I really wanted to shout at her, but my energy wasn't come to scratch to do so. So I instead wasted time just cleaning the house and watching TV. Sad and pathetic.

Days in Review

Events taking place in the last three days.

Tuesday: I took the children to go swimming at a public swimming pool. They were excited to go, especially as they got there. I was initially planning to swim but when I got there, there were already many people, so I ended up chickened out. Yeah, it's pathetic but it's over here, so... Anyway, the children were having so much fun. Jord was afraid to go at the beginning so he hung around me. I asked him to go and hang with Jude who was in the pool at the opposite end of where I was sitting. But then I walked toward her, and the boy came along after seeing my moving. I shifted to a nearer sit to Jude's position which prompted Jord to go in the pool around there. He and his sister played together there, while I kept an eye on them.

Jude makes friends easily. When she was at the pool, she had introduced herself to this other girl. They began to play together, leaving Jord to play on his own. Though to be fair, by then, the boy was not scared anymore. He was in fact daring to the point of swimming/walking to the middle of the pool where he had been not enduring to venture to. So in the end, the girl was making a friend and the boy was overcoming his initial fear, which was great to see.

Wednesday: K was getting her teeth checked. Seeing that he wanted her to see his dentist, my brother had asked her to come his house, where he would go with us to his dentist to have the check up. K acquiesced because, let's face it, she's malleable.

So the children had to be dropped off at Gran's place. My sister was seeing a doctor and didn't appreciate the children being there, I guess. When we got to Gran's place, she asked if we were eating at her house that night. K was not sure and eventually went on to say yes. So off we went to my brother's house.

My brother waited impatiently. He was angry by the time we arrived because we had been late for the appointment. Nonetheless, we drove to the dentist.

At the dentist, my sister got her check up in a painful fashion. When she came out, she informed me how the dentist was being very agressive, and she felt strong pain. She had not been in this much pain when she sees dentist. Ultimately, she felt the dentist was unprofessional in her method. I think we won't be going back anytime soon.

That night after we spent the afternoon with my brother, we headed to Gran's to have dinner. She had been preparing this dish that I had last time and didn't like. It was a toss salad with chicken cartilage. Yes, we saw it right, chicken cartilage. The thing is, my gran thought I was crazy to not like it. How can I like something that is very chewy and got no taste? Anyway, we had dinner while Gran herself and my littlest uncle were out to see this new house the douche and his wife are planning on buying. It was good dinner overall, despite the cartilage being present again.

Thursday,today: WE had great today. At first, there wasn't any plan at all. My sister wanted us to just remain at home and just chillax with a movie. But by noon, we got a call from my brother, asking us to come to his house. I wanted to do something than stay at home agreed. So off we went, to Manu.

Upon our arrival, we also got two pizzas that my sister had ordered. We ate at my brother's place and he also joined us of course. We played the computer game, with each of us having to take turns to play. After that, we took a stroll in the botanic garden nearby. It was a nice relaxing afternoon. My brother had already wanted to take us out tomorrow too to fishing. I am looking forward to it. The children seemed happy at hearing this.

So there you go, the holiday doesn't seem to be bad afterall. My initial fear was never realised.

Strawberries

This story takes place over a few months and it involves strawberry plants. Three strawberry plants, to be exact, and one funny commentary made by my little cousin Jord.

Earlier in the year, around in June, my sister decided that she's get herself a plant because her room was seen as liveless. To get the plant, she wanted to grow not flowers, but a strawberry plant at that. She went to get it and also bought a tiny pot to help grow the plant in. As she did this, the children began to take interest in it. Well to the point that they had my sister take them to the shop to get one for themselves.

I remember on the day we went to buy the plants, Jord had one particular plant on sight. He wanted to get the tallest and biggest one because he simply thought it'd have strawberries soon. Jude had opted for more modest sized plant. They then painted their pots. Jord just randomly painted any colour to the plants while Jude made sure the pot knows who the boss is by writing her name with the paint. Sure enough they had been watering them for most of the times. Some weeks they forget but I or K would step in to water them.

Some a few weeks previous, Jord noticed that his plant was beginning to grow two seeds. One was big while one more was still in its "infancy". He was so excited that I can't even describe his joy on that day. K was very happy too for him as he now knows the importance of growing your own things, such as this, and he understands the joys you'd get from the accomplishment. By now his plant is producing three strawberries, with one almost to ripe. Amid the long wait for the seedlings to germinate into strawaberries, the boys learns to take care of his things. He's definitely proud of it as he keeps telling people who would listen about the strawberries. It is his pride and joy afterall.

As for Jude, hers is still growing amid at a slower pace than the boy's one. She doesn't boast much of it, I gess, this is probably due to her being older and not as excitable as the boy. I wish sometimes she would just let loose and be a kid again. Her parents' influence has gotten into her.

So this morning as I was going to write about Jord's strawberry story, one more development came forth. A bird, apparently got hold of one riped strawberry and ate it! Jord, seeing this, immediately came to snatch the plant and from now on he keeps on the windowseel, inside the house. It is really adorable.

Brithday Treat

I had a blast today. It was a tiresome day, but definitely a great day. My brother came to visit by around 11.30am because he wanted to take us out. He knew about my birthday being last Friday and this is his way to say happy birthday, I guess. Despite his motive, the day was excellent so I am not complaining whatsoever.

So he came here and invited us to go with him to lunch. We got on the car and to the restaurant we headed. Jord, who was left behind by the douche and he took his other child to his shop, came along, even he had no choice in that decision! The restaurant was a Shanghainese one. My brother likes the place, despite their poor service. I mean the host lady was so rude that she sometimes just dump the food on your table without telling us what the foods were. She doesn't smile either. Three or four times we've been there, not once did I see her let one smile escape the stern face. And yet, we kept going back there.

After the restaurant, we went to the Chinatown, just opened nearby our neighbourhood. Not sure when they officially opened it but today as we were going to someplace else, we saw the signs about the Chinatown, that my brother decided to head in. Once we got in, some of the shops weren't even opened yet. Some empty premises were present, among the opened ones, selling whatever you can name. Really busy, I must add.

Done with the Chinatown tour, we eventually got to another shopping mall at Onehunga. There, we shopped for clothes. I got two pairs of jeans, my sister one pair, my brother two shirts, and even Jord had his pieces of clothings bought with us. It was fun, and we ended the shopping spree with Mac ice creams.

WE drove around for the ramaining time we got in the city. We stopped at this park near the oceanside, just chilaxing. The cool breeze and watching people flying their kite.

By dinner time, or at least our version of dinnertime (which is always earlier than most people), we went to this Sushi Train restaurant in the city. I enjoyed the meal but the prices were really off putting. One dish they charge you like crazy. I was scared to try some expensive ones as my brother would be paying and I didn't want him to pay that much. I had been there once before, but this time round, the variety of the available foods was quite limited. My brother had the same revelation. Nonetheless, what we got served was just as good.

My brother took the opportunity to tell me about his Friday going to the Snooker Tournament. His club entered it and he tagged along with his fellow clubbers who are competing. My brother didn't participate this time because he didn't have proper uniform to take part in. This coming Saturday, he will compete. I am going to see him because I think he needs encouragement, and plus we are family so we have to be there for each other, I suppose. It will be good to watch. Can't wait!

So today was really exciting for me. My brother, by taking me to go out for a nice afternoon, had made my day. Not knowing it, but I was forgetting my troubles for,the time being, which was a great change in itself. So thanks Ken, alot, for this afternoon.

Aging

In less than two hours I will become a twenty-something year old for the first time.... I will be twenty one, just to be exact.

Awkward

For over a week or so now I have not talked to the douchey couple. Don't know why but we just grew further and further away from each other. It is making me uncomfortable, and it is making the whole living situation with them suck even more.

Take tonight for example. The couple came home when we were watching tv in the outside living room. They got in the house and the wife was looking around the kitchen cabinets to prepare for cooking. I think she was anticipating for my sister to cook for her and her husband, which was not right. She had informed before that she'd like us to just have our own meal, without them. That includes cooking and eating before they return. Until now, she seems to resent us for this reason. Anyway, the douche himself was off to his bedroom immediately, which prompted me to believe that he might be awkward with us. Usually, he might stand in the living or the kitchen for some time before migrating to the bedroom to take a shower. I don't think I should take much conspiracy here, but it is rather weird of the atmosphere we are living under. It sucks cos the guilt is eating me alive. Day by day, night by night, it is consuming my mind. The worst part being that I cannot solve the problem which had to be dealt with when we leave here.

#$%^&*()^&!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Waiting

The holiday thing is not catching with me right now. Right off the bat, the holiday and the week had been one that left sour and bitter taste in my mouth. Yesterday, Jude and I had a minor confrontation.

Things were going ok when the dat started. We were planning to take the children to rent movies or just out shopping in general. It was proved to be difficult because the girl was being stubborn in the condescending way. I won't go over it because it was just plain ugly on my part as I wasn't able to realise she is in fact a little girl. At that point I was severely inflicted by depression, noticing how each and every tick I hear was enough to create a world war. We did, however, get out of the house due to the advice given by my sister.

Today was also one that shouldn't be remembered at all. I know that by writing about it on a blog negates the whole purpose of trying to shun this memory but I just wanted to get out my feeling out for the moment. Maybe I won't refer to back here.

So we doing fine for most of the morning. K was debating with herself about cooking lunch. Jord was playing with Jude on the swing, while I was sitting infront of the tv as normal. Suddenly, a cry came pouring with it a sounding to ease the pain. It came from Jude who I first thought was overacting to probable tiny thing. The intention of her cry was actually done to release a pain which was inflicted upon her by Jord who had turned the swing into some rotating device, which by chance caught the girl's finger.

I came to see what was happening. Then seeing that she was hurt, I quickly escorted into the house and had her relaxed on the sofa. Jord tagged behind us explaining the situation, with some of the information maybe misinterpreted as Jude then angrily attempted to drown her brother with an account of her own. It didn't matter, as it was pretty obviously that the situation was not intentional in any way. The girl was behaving rather bad afterward when Jord tried to lean on the sofa where she was resting on. She then shuffed the boy's hand to make him almost slip. I think she was doing it on purpose to avenge what he had ACCIDENTALLY done to her on the swing. I called out on her for this reason and all of a sudden she began to cry. Loudly. And for what?

Apparently she does this majority of the time when she wants attention or wants revenge. She does it in the car at one time when Jord took her paper and she wouldn't let him rest on the middle handrest. She would push his head in clear of it. This was just not an attitude I'd like to witness and indeed I would tell her of this view. She doesn't listen because today was another instance that this happens. And the worst part, she believes I am always favouring the boy, even though I tried my best not to be impartial to either of them. I judge of what I see. What's more, she cried this afternoon just to spite me. Great! Now I have a diva on my hand.

This experience, alone today, had made my day gone bitter. The afternoon was a good improvement to build on what was already a bad day. We went out to have lunch at a Taiwanese bakery. Upon return, we watched out rented movie from yesterday. It was a nice way to escape the chaos for two hours.

Two more days to go before September ends. In those two impending days, I hope that the news would come. My mum's fortune teller would bet on it. Crazy as it sound, I deep down believe him. It is a faint hope but at least it is still hope.

Saturday Blues

Another week has gone. It turns out, this week is the beginning of another school holiday, where the children will be at home for the two I-can't-wait-to-kill-myself weeks. I don't have a plan as how to tackle their presence for this long duration. Hopefully it will be just a smooth ride like the last holiday we had.

My littlest had returned the car to us yesterday. Just in time so we could drive to a Korean convenient store to 'celebrate' the end of their school term. The celebration was just us getting snacks and sat at a nearby carpark, consuming it in a tranquil setting. It was a surprise good feeling, I must add.

I really wish the result comes before the month ends. My mum told me that she and my auntie went to see this fortune teller about our future. They told her that K and I will find out this month and it will be a good outcome. I really hope that it's true because I can't stand to wait for any longer. The anticipation of not knowing and returning to normalcy is too compounding of a feeling that sometimes lead me to not want to sleep at all. Morning only as it would turn out, is a routine I dread of doing the most nowadays. It sucks to possess such a sentiment. So with the results that I hope will come, I can be free again.

Depression

I have not talked about my depression on the blog for some time now. It is ongoing and everytime I mention it, it would seem all I am doing is repeating myself over and over. So I had decided to not say much more about it..that is, until now.

I am severely under stressed for the last month. This was due to my being the repressed self when I was made to help out with the family. The douche, he was beginning to renovate the house, whereby he wanted my help in choosing and assembling the pieces together. It was a astromical task because as we picked out our desired choice, and had the liberty to make arrangements with the seller, the douche himself would inject his objection in the last minute, making us look we had wasted the seller's energy and time. Sure, their job is to assist us, but with his meddling, next time K or I can't return back there. The stress from this, plus the installation, in which he wanted us to do into the late night, were just unbearable and were causing me feel inadequate at the same time.

What's worse now is that Gran is adding to the pressure. She constantly tells us how we are doing a bad job on raising the children. She says we don't feed them well, we don't take them to and pick them up from school on time, we don't care for them, etc. It is just bullshit, because I tried my darnest to raise them up fine. The children on the other hand have mutated into little beasts when they began hanging with her twins, who btw still can't speak a coherent sentence. It is her who needed to change her ways, but of course I can't say that to her face. She is an elderly, which, in my family, it warrants criticism-free. The shit I do and the shit I have to let go because of this situation, in addition to the constant jabbering about my non-parenting role in the children's lives, would make any man insane. I do have made that transition, apparently.

Just one day I can escape from this nightmare. I just want to just let go. Let go out the responsibility, the stress, that deep breath I usually sigh. Just to forget about it all. Just to make one day better than the previous one, than having to relive a repetitive routine everyday. Just want to feel the lightless that no worrisome can bring down. Just...

Wind

The wind in Auckland is extremely powerful. I had a first hand experience. It almost blew the socks off of me while I was walking the children to school this morning. My littlest uncle had his car broke down in the wee hour of 4 this morning, at the time when he was supposed to go to work. He phoned K, who was in deep dream state to ask her drop off her car there so he could borrow it for today. Of course, K did what was told, and now we are carless for the next few days until he fixes his broken ride. That is why we had to resort to walking in the freezing breeze to school and back from there.

I got a gigantic headache as a result of walking in the cold. It was pounding badly and against the sides of my forehead. It had been going on for a few hours. I took some panadol to help alleviate the pain, but it didn't work so well. Still pounding mad in there. Going to sleep would probably help.

The Day After

Today had been one good one. I couldn't believe it but I actually enjoyed a weekday. Normally I would be bored to death from the boredom that a weekday usually carry with it for me. This however is not another day. My brother came to visit and took us out to lunch which was the highlight of the day. Couldn't ask for a better afternoon.

Why did he come to take us out out of the blue? Not sure, but I am suspecting it has something to do with my mum. Maybe she had told him that it was my sister's birthday and it is his obligation to treat us with something good. Or is it possible that Gran who knows about my upcoming birthday informs him of it, making him feel needing to do something about it. I didn't ask and he for one didn't show any sign of special treatment that would explain the unusual luncheon. Nonetheless, it was enjoyable and obviously the reason or agenda is not that important.

On another topic, I found out that my sister is going to get a Swiss knife for my birthday. It was pretty obvious in her concealing but she however acted as though she wasn't going to get me anything. How did I find out about it? Well, for one she asked this knife specialist for a specific knife for mountainerring, something I had my sister I'd like to do someday. Another she took a special order and deposited the money under my nose. She's one of a kind, that one.

Now my sister is off to pick up the children from school. They will attend the library before reaching back home. They will also drop off the twins who, along with Gran, are going to the library too. So I have time to write this post. The rest of the day will probably somewhat mundane as it will approach the inane rountine that our minds have come to adapt but to abhor simultaneously.

Birthday

Today is the 19th of September as you can see from the date shown above. What the date doesn't show, though, is that it marks another year older for my sister, who is celebrating her birthday. I won't tell how old she is turning as she will assisinate me for doing so. But I will tell how she spent her day today.

The morning began with its usual suscepts. The kids got readied and they were dropped off by us when they wanted to go to Gran's place. We, at first, hesitated for them to stay there as it is now becoming a routine and it is becoming sickening at the same time. The kids on the other hand don't think so and we were forcefully made the trip to let them remain there for the entire day. Their choice in the end.

After the kids were dropped off at Gran's (to which btw Gran was happy about), we got on the car to a clothing store to change a piece of clothing was wrongly sized for my sister. For this journey, I am required to tell about an earlier event that took place in the week to clarify where the piece of clothing had come from. So last Saturday, I ordered some clothes from online, and had it delivered here during the week. It got sent here and I was just not a good secret keeper and indeed had informed what the order was for. The clothes were intent to become a present when I got the chance to wrap them and I would've given it to her on bday. Obviously, that didn't occur because I told my sis about the gift. In the end she got them way early before her bday. On her trial to see if the clothes fit, one piece didn't and it was one size larger, which only meant we needed to head to their physical store to swap for a smaller size.

Here we go, the story is now caught up.

So we got there at the store and the saleswoman was very attentive and very welcoming. She made the experience more durable as it would have otherwise been worse because my sister and I generally don't like to go posh or fancy stores. It's just our self-esteems, when in this situation, were downed really drastically for reasons we couldn't repair just yet. The size swap was made smooth and quick and we exited the store before we knew it.

WE then proceeded to go buy a pair of shoes for my sister. Her old ones were rather old. There we found a pair was nice and cheap. We got them, costing only $20.

Grocery shopping was next on the bday itinerary. After which, I received a phone call from my brother who was at another shopping centre. He and his wife wanted to come to our house because they were planning to borrow the Sims games from us. Eventually, we got to their location, but before we reached it, we stopped at home to let loose of the grocery items and to pick the games. We went window shopping throughout that afternoon, and had a stop at Starbuck's, where we hadn't been for a very long time.

It was a nice afternoon in my opinion. My sister, whose opinion is more concerning to me, agreed that she loved her bday very much. I am relieved to hear that and I really wish she had the best day like this one everyday.

Hellish

This week has been a fast ride. Not only it felt like I got an express train, but it was not the joy ride that fast trains would often associate itself. My week was just terrible at best, and I am so glad it was over before I knew it.

The week started off as normal, with me not doing much at all. On Monday was supposedly the day that the plumber that K had called the week prior would show up to install the new stove. He didn't turn up, and the installation was thus delayed to Friday.

Tuesday and Wednesday weren't nothing abnormal because they consisted of more routines, which involve me sleeping and trying not to get annoyed by the children. By Thursday, there were signs of annoyance and deplete coming from my sis, who was dealing with personal insanity. She had been at this for awhile and her staying here only exasperated these oppressive emotions.

Friday was the installation of the gas cooktop. The plumber arrived on time while I was still snoozing off. I could make some working noises. By afternoon arrived, we got ready for work as the douche and his wife had informed us on the previous night that they had to go to the lawyer's. We needed to get there by 1.40pm, they said. I was just doing the normal thing I would usually do when I prepped for work. When K did her preparation, which she needed to get off the computer because she had been playing it all morning, she was pissed and moaned and cried. I only commented on her clothing which were quite dark and tight at the same time. I asked her to change the top, and to this, she began to cry, pouring out her feelings of our oppressed she had been going through this hellish nightmare. This went on and on for the next twenty minutes. And so the car drive did she show these disturbing emotions. She almost tried to drive on the opposing lane, and that was when I had it with her. My time in this house hadn't been joyful either. I tried my best to just make by each day. Her actions were plain selfish, I told her."Don't make life more hell than it already is."

WE eventually stopped at the parking lot nearby the shop. I went to work, and she was situated in the car. In some minutes later, I received a text from her, apologising. I accepted the apology because i knew what she was feeling as i have had these sentiments before. So the whole day went on in better moods. Glad that it was resolved this quickly because I couldn't stand the silence while my time at this place.

This week has been hell. Here's to another week that could top this.

Renovating

I guess they are serious. Last Sunday he instructed my sister to look around for the gas cooktop and the wall canopy to go with it. The old ones apparently are explosive according to him. The decision to purchase these items lie parallel to what he had informed K, which was that he's wanting to rent this house and shop for a new house in the coming months. They (the family) will relocate to the novel property. I thought they weren't serious as numerous times before they had formulated similar which never led to anywhere. The purchase of the cooktop and the fan was indeed physical proof to their decision.

It all began last Sunday when K received a telephone call from the Douche about problems with the current gas stove. He asserted my sister that it is unsafe and he was hoping she would help him out by searching a replacement. The fan was dead obvious as it was causing so much noise pollution with its ever loud engine sound when the product is turned on. A new substitute must be replaced, he told her. K, my brother and I went to this electronic store to look for it. The location didn't have much range. But despite this lack of options, K proceeded to take an interest in a certain item. She concluded that the interested product had the similar mesurements as the old one, which later it was proven false. She informed the Douche that evening of her finding.

The next morning came, and we eventually headed to mega hardware store, located within our house zone. It was not a solid find and we eventually got back to yesterday's store. My sister really wanted to order the item since tomorrow (which is now today) the prices will increase. I wasn't sure of this revelation, whether the man was lying to us so that he could make us rush into purchasing or it was the truth. Anyway,the man asked K, who further asked me, what sort of finish we want on the them. I wasn't aware that there are many different surfaces. The main two we had to use from were stainless steel and alothium. Each had their own pros and cons. We were really tossed up between the two, so ultimately I asked K to give a call to the douche since this is his kitchen afterall. Good call that was.

The douche decided he'd come down and see for himself. When he reached the location, he looked and looked. And inspected some more which I felt a little unease, and I am sure the seller was having similar sentiment. In the end, the d didn't want it and we left, K especially felt guilty for taking so much time from the seller and left empty.

The douche then suggested we looked elsewhere, like the place opposite the hardware store. I won't name the shop name but they are specialising in kitchen appliances. We headed there while the d had gone back to his work. Once there, we saw many cool things, and one cooktop that was matching the measurement as well as the look and feel of it was top notch. K and I talked to the seller about it (actually K did most of the talking and I was just wandering around the store, looking like some idiot friend of hers). The discussion went on for some time and we eventually had to retrieve back to home, where later K retold the d about what we had found. He said he would come and have a look at it.

I think I am going too long on this shopping for the stove and the fan. Cutting the story short, we went on a few journeys before finding the right fits and now the purchases have been made in two separate stores. A five gas cooktop was bought in the place opposite the hardware store, while the wall canopy was compensated for in a cheaper appliance shed.

The canopy is being installed in the while I am writing this. It seemed easy to install since from the beginning the requirements were some anchors and screws to place the canopy onto the wall. This however was proven falsified when the installation is still in the proceeding. The d, earlier on, had made a crucial mistake when he marked a wrong marking on the wall before he drilled it. Realising this mistake, he then broke off the anchor from the wall, which now created a big hole. To solve this, he further drilled in two more anchor sleeves which gave birth to two more disimilar sized holes. Crazy as that sound, he even tried to sandpaper the hoops on the back of the canopy that are used to hang onto the screws which cling to the wall. It was definitely not his brightest day since even THAT didn't work. All night now he is going at it, attempting to remedy all his earlier mistakes. Hopefully it'll be done soon.

As for the stove, we will receive it tomorrow when it get delivered here. Luckily, the installation for this is one that needs a professional to do. The wiring and gas involvement are such things only a certified doer can deal with. The charge is $200-$350 from what I have heard. Despite that much payment, one cannot be stupid enough to not let the professional install it.

BTW, the costs for both items amount to around $1600.

Back to the main topic. The d and his family, it seems, are really moving. After seven years living in this very house, they have decided to relocate, though not entirely gone for good since it will still be their house. I think it will be an interesting new dynamic for Jord and Jude. I hope their new house won't be far away from their school, I just don't think they needed a change of school when they are perfectly happy with their friends and teachers there. Who knows? The douche gets this name from somewhere, and if he is really a douche, then he will probably do things to only benefit himself, and himself only.

Trublood

The titled show came to NZ probably two or three years ago. Back then I didn't the channel that ran it... and I still don't have it. So, I never got the chance to see it first. I found out later through award shows and other review sites that tell me about how wonderful and refreshing this show is in a long time. I still didn't have the channel to watch the show on so that thought of catching the program didn't come to mind. Only last Monday that I did get that chance, and I loved it.

My video rental store only recently began to hire these TV show box sets. I borrowed it when there were other programs I wanted on the shelf. Seeing how I enjoyed it this much, I am glad to not have found the ones I initially seek.

My sister also watched the show with me. I felt slight awkwardness because it is explicit in sexual material. The horrors though was not that weird to see with your sister. My sister liked the show as well. She said she liked it for its difference from regular viewing and the characters and dialogues are compelling. Excellent production all round, according to her.

Come next Monday, I will borrow the second season. Usually sophomore or subsequent seasons are not as well done as the premier. As the show is already renewed for the fourth season, I am thinking it still has the magic in it.

Random

Many thoughts go through everybody's head each day. Mine is just happened that the thought function works more slowly and less frequent than the norm. When the children got to school this morning, I didn't think twice about the possibility that the morning would bring guilt into my life. The other school pupils were dressed in book characters as this week was themed for the book week that they had been having throughout since Monday. I, being a thoughtless man, didn't read the message the school people had sent out which I later found out. I was really guilty for this lapse. The children had to suffer because of my mistake.

I hate it that my life now consists of nothing more than surrounding my daily life with that of the children. When they are at home, I become their sole guardian. I look after them, see how they play, how they are fed, clothed, etc. I hate it. Hate it freaking so much. Other times including the time they are gone to school, I would feel a slight easiness, only to find the dreadful feeling return when the clock chimes to three. I hate that feeling the most because that is how I would imagine the alleged criminals realise their freedom is bound to be taken away from them if they are convicted.

False Dream

Just got up and the time reads 11.00am. I couldn't sleep last night and since the morning was terrible, I resumed my naptime after the children were gone to school. During which time, I was sufferring from having one of the worst possible dream ever. It is a teaser and the worst part is that it seemed very realistic. Anyway, my sister isn't here as she is at Grams' place right now, apparently consuming lunch.

The nightmare was about the outcome that I had been wishing to receive for the last ten years. It began with my sister receiving a telephone call from this judge, who apparently was in charge of our case. He talked to her privately. When the call ended, there was a knock on the door, which later revealed to be a postman. He gave K two packages from what I saw and she immediately hid them from my sight. I questioned her what was with all the secrecy, to which she responded with a shrug. I insisted on her telling me the truth. In eventuality, she did inform me that we got the results back and it is favourable. I remembered the feeling of this heavyweight lifted off of my chest. It was such an awesome relief. Then, in just one neck of a second, I woke up. Woke up to feel the anchor that is dragging my everything down. Back to reality.

Starting New School for the Twins

So this week went by quickly. The reason for it is that I have been keeping busy at just about everything that is within my confines. The week consists mostly of my sister and the children catching a nasty flu and me being their helper. My bro who lives close to us also came to support the sick people. Also another major event happened last Wednesday when the twins, who shifted house, went to their new school.

On Wednesday, still getting through her sickness over the previous day, my sis woke up early to try to get the children ready. It was particular early for her and my liking as we would otherwise have gotten later. The morning was colder than usual, which prompted me to think that winter is just only beginning even though the calendar suggests the opposite. Anyway, the reason for our premature wake was for the twins who were starting their first day of the new school. By 8.20, we were already gone to Gram's place. Only I didn't go because there wasn't room for me.

When the children arrived at school, according to my sister when later she told me, the twins were separated into different rooms. My initial reaction to this was that it was ideal in that the twins would develop individualism when they are exposing new environment outside their norm. Beside, the twins wouldn't be naughty when they are split. Grams wasn't happy about this but it wasn't her decision to be made.

That afternoon, my sister was still ill and she was sleeping while my brother, Ken and I went to pick up the children, including the new entants, the twins. This, because I didn't drop them off and not knowing which rooms the twins were put into, was proven to be troublesome. I went to pick Jude and Jordan first as I was hoping the children would know of their room numbers. However, Jude did not apprehend the knowledge that morning, thus was in the unknown as well. I went to every Year One classes, in hope that I would find them there. It was not the case. I eventually headed to the office and asked the receptionist there where I would find them. The receptionist called their teachers in and we acquired that the twins were already picked up by Grams. She had been there earlier and she took the twins home with her. So the afternoon was terrible in that aspect.

My sister, throughout this week, had been sick. She caught the flu in the early days of this week, and her refusal to go to see a doctor and to take some antibiotics had proven to be a mistake. By midweek, she couldn't even mobilise and her body was compounded by soreness. My brother was a great saviour as he came here to cook for us and took us out for lunch. He did some TLC for K as well. Now my sister is doing much much better.

Today is particular nice. My brother and his wife came to our house. This is abnormal since his wife rarely came these days. Her appearance sparked a nice change for me. We went to Grams' place for lunch when she asked us to. After that, my sister wanted to go do some grocery shopping. We left the children there, so they could accompany the twins with Grams as it was to their wishes. Returned in two hours later, Ken and his wife had bought my uncle a set of pots and pans for their housewarming gift. My brother used our names in the inclusion of their gift so that we were seen as part of it as well. Tonight began when we directed our way to a Shanghainese restaurant and ended with us returning back here. It was a nice day after all. My sister is in an agreement how lovely her day had been. I am pretty sure my brother and his wife were also enjoying themselves.