Depression

I have not talked about my depression on the blog for some time now. It is ongoing and everytime I mention it, it would seem all I am doing is repeating myself over and over. So I had decided to not say much more about it..that is, until now.

I am severely under stressed for the last month. This was due to my being the repressed self when I was made to help out with the family. The douche, he was beginning to renovate the house, whereby he wanted my help in choosing and assembling the pieces together. It was a astromical task because as we picked out our desired choice, and had the liberty to make arrangements with the seller, the douche himself would inject his objection in the last minute, making us look we had wasted the seller's energy and time. Sure, their job is to assist us, but with his meddling, next time K or I can't return back there. The stress from this, plus the installation, in which he wanted us to do into the late night, were just unbearable and were causing me feel inadequate at the same time.

What's worse now is that Gran is adding to the pressure. She constantly tells us how we are doing a bad job on raising the children. She says we don't feed them well, we don't take them to and pick them up from school on time, we don't care for them, etc. It is just bullshit, because I tried my darnest to raise them up fine. The children on the other hand have mutated into little beasts when they began hanging with her twins, who btw still can't speak a coherent sentence. It is her who needed to change her ways, but of course I can't say that to her face. She is an elderly, which, in my family, it warrants criticism-free. The shit I do and the shit I have to let go because of this situation, in addition to the constant jabbering about my non-parenting role in the children's lives, would make any man insane. I do have made that transition, apparently.

Just one day I can escape from this nightmare. I just want to just let go. Let go out the responsibility, the stress, that deep breath I usually sigh. Just to forget about it all. Just to make one day better than the previous one, than having to relive a repetitive routine everyday. Just want to feel the lightless that no worrisome can bring down. Just...