End of Month

Unbelievable. Has it been this fast? The month only began like yesterday and now it is ending already. So what is the most exciting thing that I did throughout this whole month? Well, to say the least, this month has been ok. But there were many glimpses of excitement, especially the latter days. I remember my brother, on last Sunday, took us out to go shopping at the mall, and the day concluded with us having dinner in the inner city area. It was fun, because, for me anyway, it is something out of the ordinary for us. It was a fresh air to our otherwise would've been boring day.

The month also marks the new tradition of ours, we go to flea market on Sunday mornings. It was an idea conceived because there isn't a thing we have in the morning and we want to occupy this gap. It was also because the flea market is great for a walk about as well as the shopping itself. My sister wanted to go to the one in the old place we lived near, but it turned out the location had been moved, where we would eventually go. The market also got tiny donuts with sugar coats that the children love. They had been asking for them when we got there. Overall the new tradition is something that we needed, just so we could have more quality time with each other.


The life has improved but not signicantly. Though the improvements that make some days enjoyable, it is not the solution I'd wish to have. My mind is still fixated on getting out of here. If there were anything possible that I could change to make that happen, I will do it. But sadly, this isn't the case and more depressing than the depression, my life is tied to more shit that is the douchebag and his wife.

Monitor

So this morning my brother came to visit us. He was free from work on every Monday, and for the last three Mondays, it was we who visited him to his house. Today was that his in laws were present at home, so he came here instead.

He came because he was lonely in the first place. I can't imagine why any 28 year-old would want to spend his free time with me, a loser at life's cruel game. He had to be that desperate to be wasting his freedom on me.

Anyway, the day wasn't wasted at all when we, and my sister went off to this technology store to check out this cooling mat for my sister's laptop. The thing with laptops is they get hot when they are turned on for a long period of time, and this heating up could potentially cause overheat in the system. Her previous laptop fell victim to this crime, and she now realises she wanted the cooling mat. So we got there in minutes to find that the mat is something my brother has, thus the purchase of such item is not required. A complete waste of time then, huh? THe answer is no. We were window shopping at the store, with my brother was quite intently going through it with much anticipation. When we got to the computer moniter section, we saw this nice LED screen that we liked. In ensuing minutes, mere interest became real prospect and eventually led to purchase. Here we are, $350 or so poorer, and we got this moniter that we didn't need in the first place. I have always wanted a new moniter for quite some time, though, but of our situation, I had been keeping that desire on the DL. But my brother was quite adamant about the purchase and I just succumbed to the temptation.

The rest of the day consisted nothing much, except for setting up the new purchased item.

Flea Market

I was woken up by my sister, asking me if we were going to flea market today. I responded with a yes because I wanted to get out of the house as soon as possible. Fast forward 30 minutes, there we were on our way. Upon arrival, the flea market was closed, but there was a notice on the gate informing about the relocation to another suburb. So we headed to the place immediately.

By the way, we went to Pak'n Save because there were some neccesaries that were required in the house. Also because I hadn't eaten anything yet, I wanted to get some delights in there. My sister was more concerned about getting some toiletry when she entered. Anyway, this took us 20 minutes or so, and then we got back on track to the flea market.

When we got to the sunday market, the standings weren't many which was surprising to me. I'd expect something as masssive as the one over the Harbour Bridge. The weather was terrible so I suspected this had something to do with the turnout. Nonetheless, we did enjoy our time there, spending some quality time together, something we lacked these few weeks.

My brother phoned while we were there. He asked about what pizza bases he should get since he and his wife were coming to our house to bake home-made pizzas for lunch. K told him the details, which entailed the packaging of the product, etc. By 11.30am, we headed back home.

So as I had already mentioned, we made pizzas for lunch. Gramps and her twins arrived just in time when the pizzas were served. My biggest uncle was one who drove her here, and so he stayed as well. Overall, lunch was excellent- good foods, good company, good atmosphere amongst family members, nothing else could top that!

The afternoon was more plain to say the least. Uncle, my brother and his wife all left in the ensuning hours after lunch was consumed. THe moment they left, I seized the opportunity to go to sleep. I had been restless all morning.

The day had been good. It was a great change to our Sundays, and it was definitely a day to be cherished for what it's worth.

Help Save The Planet

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Just Another Saturday

SO this morning I went to take Jord to his maths lesson. K and Jude were present, K being the driver of course had to be there. It seems now we have a routine for Saturday mornings. We would take the boy to his class, somewhere 15 minutes from our house. By our way back, we would go to this supermarket to get breakfast. It's been going for three weeks straight now, and I think the store owner knows us because she kept making little chats when we got there. This is nice since everyone was really enjoying the morning which we would not otherwise have if we were to remain home.

My day was terrible in general. The kids went to their classes respectively, and I was more a zombie throughout the day. At one, I went to sleep for one and a half hour. Though it doesn't seem to be that terrible, considering sleeping is not a energy consuming task, I was more mentally exhausted. I am sick and tired of waiting. Sleeping seems to be the only way to let time pass more quickly (and to avoid the responsibility of taking care of the children).

After the sleep, I went out to help with the children. I was by then more in pain with the lack of work and thus I was really moody at that point. Jude asked me if she could watch the tv but I wanted her to read her books, so I rejected her proposition at first. Then when she had completed the task I set for her, she again seized to ask for television. By then, I had no choice really, thus acquiesed to her demand.

I felt incredibly inadaquet as a caretaker. I could have done better with Jude by making her do something more productive like going out and play soccer with her. Instead, I chose the most selfish route which is to let her watch and be done with that responsibility for my own good. That is why I abhor myself. If the children become failures as a result, I would definitely want to hang myself.

When will the change be brought about into my life? I don't want and can't live like this. The children are dependent on strong role models and I am clearly not! This afternoon with the situation between Jude and I was a clear indication of my lack of responsibility with dealing with the needs and wants of the kids. Surely I don't wish for any failures with the children, as they are very intelligent. The fact my lack of interest, in addtional to my anger as a result of this apparent enslavement in this job, is what made the children not doing well in school in the first place. Not to mention this has led to their confusion as to who is their actual parents are (Jord, the boy, every now and then tells me and K that we're his parents because we feed, clothe, etc, him. Jude has a different view to what defines parents, which to her is the people who give birth. So by this definition her biological parents are her actual parents.). The children don't deserve this and I hope things will change more quickly. For all our sakes.

Depression

It's coming back. The attacks that I have been receiving every now and then. It has been with me for many days now. It sucks because that is all my life consists of right now.

Anyway, my sister has been seeing a therapist to help her with anxiety. Ok, the person she is seeing is not a qualified therapist, but he is a GP. He had asked her to see a real one, but she insisted she couldn't do it. Being a great docter that he is, he tried to keep her in contact by evaluating her emotions and other factors himself every fortnightly. This morning was her fourth visit I believe.

I want to talk more about the doctor. His name is Andy. Before him, we used to see this old and I dare to add incompetent GD, who was only there for money. When Andy joined the practice, we switched to him, which has proven to be a great move. What is best about Andy is that he doesn't charge additional price for my sister's fortnightly evaluations. I believe other doctors would have taken more fortune by this opportunity. And I have to add that the professionism practiced by Andy is not something that has been substituted by the absence of money either. My sister said her sessions with him had helped him greatly from the beginning, and that is always a plus in my book.

As for my own depression, I will try to calm it down for the time being. There is no need for further scrutiny when my sister should be the one who needed to be dealt with first. When the situation with which my trapness in this confinement is dealt with, I will seek help.

Teasing At Its Worst

I was meaning to blog yesterday but other things occupy my brain to forget about it. Anyway, here is how the day went:

My brother came late almost one o'clock where we then went out to have lunch. The place is Ken's where they cater Japanese foods. The price is quite in the high range, which had prompted my brother to complain. His complaints weren't one off, he kept at it for majority of the afternoon. I was really angry for his action, because I was there to enjoy the atmosphere and of course the food. His constant yapping was really annoying, to be polite.

Afterwards we headed to the library as we would, whether my brother was present or not. He tagged along, spending the rest of the day with us. Once there, we started doing our thing, with the children trying to pick their books. We went to the supermarket after that as usual. Ken was there hanging with the children. Nothing happened so there is nothing to report here.

It is in the carride I was really paranoid with my brother. He likes to tease the children to get a reaction. At first the teasing was more innocent in its tone, and the children were laughing in their response. I see it as okay when they laugh about the teasings, but as my brother become increasing trying to push the buttons in the topics he covers, it is really getting my nerves. He would say something about the appearance of a particular group of people and then make the children think of that for the worst of it. I couldn't intervene because I felt powerless. I know being silent on a subjective topic as this is almost the equivalent of not reporting a murder.

My brother left upon our return home, where I was glad once he left. One day with me drove me mad. I couldn't help but think about next Sunday's arrangement we'll be having with my brother. He already wanted to get pizzas for our Sunday lunch feast because he didn't want us to go to resaturants for money saving. Can't wait!

This Week In Review

My week has been one that can easily forget.

• Monday was Queen's Birthday which was the day K and I went to work. It was boring as hell because there wasn't anything to do there. I mean work was finished in midnoon, which had the rest of the working hours with nothing but sitting and waiting for the day to pass by. It was that bad.


• Tuesday was just another day. One thing that was an aberration, or not, was my argument with my sister. Though, the day ended with us reconciled, so all is good.


• Wednesday, the day that I can't really remember. Really, it was just one day in the midst of most days that easy forget.


• Thursday and Friday didn't serve any better. My sister and I stayed home and we were really bored as hell. When will our lives change for the better. I am really sick and tired of waiting, more waiting, and then have to wait some more. I have been practicing it for the last 10 years of my life, that is more than half of my life, and yet things remain stagnate. The gods out there, please, if you have any soul, make a change for me. I don't care about the outcome. Whatever it is I don't care. Just change the situation now...


• Yesterday was a busy day. The oppressed has been sick, so they returned from work early. In this revelation, I was caught not doing the house pampering. As for the children, the usual routine was performed. It was routine upon routine- maths class, followed by Chinese classes.

So there you go. This week is one to forget. Hopefully, today will be something different as my brother has told my sister he would come to pick us up to go out. I can't hold my breath because he is not the man who keeps up his words. Look at last week and you'll see.

Shocking Email

This has been a bad day in general. The morning started out interrupted by the most annoying person I have ever encoutered- me. I was being a jerk to everyone, but more importantly I was really highly upset by everything that is going on in my pathetic life. That being said, I was not that terrible as I was usually come across as, but it was a bad scene in appearance.

My sister woke up earlier to prepare breakfast and lunch the children. I came out when the time was pressing against impunctuality, and I asked the children to have their meals more quickly. Then K, out of the blue, came about with her phone, and it was playing music, which the kids took it as an opportunity to stop their eating. They began to try to sing to the song. I was angry by this new found event, and asked her to turn off the music. She complied, with a grudge and with a stupid remark about me not doing anything in the morning. She went further saying that she had done all of the work and I shouldn't even get up at all. Geez, talking keeping scores. When the beginning of this term, I started to get up to help out with school preparation. I had done for that week straight, with NO complaint. I also helped with every other week when she, herself, couldn't bring her body to get up. During these periods when I have a misfit with her, I never brought up such score because it is stupid to do so. Apparently, it is in her mind that she needs to keep all her hardwork in record, so when there is an argument, she can always rely on them, such as this morning. Unbelievable. Tomorrow I will get up earlier than her, so that she won't think she is overworking and let that get into her brain.

Other event that happened was my brother emailed K about his life. This has come as a shock because it is so random. He emailed K with just one statement, saying that he hates his family. I don't think we'll reply. Really, how can respond to such a blunt and hating comment like that?

Queen's Day

Got up, fed and dressed for work. That is for what the majority of my day was consisting of. The douchebag and his wife were planning on going to the mall with their children, hence our presence in the workplace. Anyway, when they were gone out, I was really extremely bored by the non activity that took place there. Seriously, there was nothing to do, except sitting and eating, which I was quilty of doing. Other than that, the work didn't really require me to be there.

K was there also. She and a worker, who is around the same age as her, were doing most of the selling. They were bored as well. Chatting was the primary and most intense energy absorbing task. Just thank god that the couple and their children returned and then we were off back home.

Upon our return, we stopped by the video store to borrow some videos. I got two DVDs, and yes they are dramatic ones.

So that is the whole day. It's not the greatest nor the worst. At least it is over.

First Week of June for 2010

• Monday was another day, by which I mean the usual things happened. Tuesday wasn't any better with an exception that K got her new laptop. Before I forget about noting this, the last I posted about the poor work Dell is doing, they are making better amends now. Since K complained to them again two weeks ago, Dell had now offered K a new replacement. The old one now will be picked by someone in the ensuing five days. So at least Dell learned something, since they know now how to make their customers happy


• Wednesday was bad in oversight. THe day began with me being terribly moody and exhausted. I complained about Jude's ever obnoxious bahaviour, and her non-cooperative stance toward her routine. I got a little fed up and shouted at her, which is totally wrong I know. It was just the share fustration that turned me into that monster again. I vowed that I wouldn't return to that same state, but evidently this hasn't worked.


• Thursday was pizza day. K baked three homemade pizzas. This is turning out to be our tradition. It has been going for three or so straight weeks now. The first time was done because K and I were tired from eating repeated meals, and pizza was the only choice to eat us out of the corrupt palate, and to get the children to eat it too. Ken, my older brother was present to have the pizzas with us. He liked it, seeing that he had quite many slices.


• The week ended on a downer because I was really tired by then. My body was really a true wreck. I tried to get to sleep as much as possible, but the conditon in which my mind is functioning is not letting it be. I am tired and highly moody. Very sensitive to any child annoying behaviour, which boasted nothing good obviously.


• Yesterday was busy as usual. Despite this, I still considered to be one of the brighter days of the week. This is because the day went smoothly. After dropping Jord off to his Maths class, K, Jude and myself went to this supermarket to get the morning freshly baked goods for our breakfast. They were delicious as it should be! Jude was in particular well behaved today. It added to the enjoyment of the day.


• This morning K informed me that my brother would come at around noon. By 12.30, he still wasn't here. So upon receiving a phone call from aunt, k decided to bake pizzas for lunch. She would go out shopping and by the way, she would go pick Gramps, since aunt told K over the phone. So the day went as planned. Now the oppressed and the douchebag are having a party. They have invited a couple of girls from work and they have also invited some family folks. As I am writing this, the people are outside chatting away.

Vague Crap

GET THROUGH THE MONTH WITH LESS DRAMA!!!

HAVE MORE LIFE STORIES!!!

GET GOOD NIGHT SLEEPS!!!

Half Year Has Just Passed

It's already middle of the year. How quickly? I don't even recall any activity I had done to warrant a review of the already disastrous year that this one has been. I asked my sister about today, seeing that I wanted to ask her what are her memories for the year so far. She responded with nothing, which is not surprising. We were hoping for a great change early this year, but that didn't happen. Nor has anything I had wished for all my life come true for that matter. I really hope that the second half of the year will be an improvement. According to my mother and her fortune teller, something big will happen in September. She had been telling me about this fortune teller she had been seeing for awhile and she constantly told me about his right predictions. I won't keep my hopes up since her track record of being right is next to nil.

Speaking of changes that haven't happened yet, the one I am truly anticipating is keeping my life at the worst of its track. My sister tells me about her paranoia over the possibilities that the people who are in charge of our case will try to spy on us. Sometimes, she tells me, that she sees cars parked in front of the house with an occupant in there, which to her suspicion, it is they, "the people". I know this sounds crazy because I don't think anyone would want to spy on you just for a little case as ours. But since that revelation from my sister, I have been trying not to say specific words and try not use the phone, in avoidance of their listening in to the phone conversations. It is not the greatest feeling that one can have, the worst thing is I am practicing it too. It sucks as I can't be truly myself, and I can't for now speak my mind. Being vigilant is temporary though, hopefully it will be a short period. Really desperately want the case to be resolved NOW!