Shoot!

SH*T!!!

Vague Crap

GET THROUGH THE MONTH WITH LESS DRAMA!!!

HAVE MORE LIFE STORIES!!!

GET GOOD NIGHT SLEEPS!!!

About Jude

I am judy .I like going to school it is fun you learn lots of thing our teacher in our classroom she is Miss Naus my teacher is nice.

This blogpost is written by Jude herself, and she is currently trying to figure out all the methods that coould be used for writing. And doing a post is being one of them.

Jordans First Blogpost

I went to the playground today. I went to Maths and Chinese classes, and I am 6 years old. I have many friends at school. My friends' names are Danny, Erin, Tisha, and one girl in my maths class. At school, my favourite subjects are art and maths. And my favourite foods are cookies, chocolates, ......................................................................
I live with my family. I have a father, a sister, a mother, a sister and a brother. That's all!!!...............................................................
,.....................................................

This post is written by Jordan to Danny, if he sees it.

Gibberish

I can't write nor read. This is so silly. In ten years I've been trying to learn how to read and write, I still come up short in the process. There will forever the little errors. I would sometimes mispelt an easy word, or the grammar is not right. These happen when I try to blog. As for my reading, I sometimes can't comprehend an easy to read piece of writing. What is wrong with me? Is it because of my insomnia? Or am I unknowingly dyslexic?

For one, I don't think the dyslexia is the culprit of this block. I remember I could read simple words early on in my educational life. I remember being about to spell out words before this. This would mean that the reason behind my blockness is that many insomniac nights that I've been having. This still doesn't prove anything though. I remember that when I was young, around my high school years, I was in the similar territory of not being able to produce a piece of writing worth reading. I couldn't read a long and sophisticated novel either. My English grades weren't spectacular, nor were they poor. So what is the true reason for this block. I can't get it.

Edit- Ok, I have to apologise for this post about nothing. It's just that it frustrates me greatly about my inability to write something worth reading. I just couldn't produce a quality writing. I hope my nagging is not too bad that makes you want to kill yourself.

Broke Down Car

This morning, like the previous two mornings, K decided to go to Gramps' place to check how she went with the kids. The twins started school last week, and Gramps is their caretaker, and had to ensure their safety on their journey to go to school. Gramps' own safety, however, as usual, was overlooked. Gramps said the other day that it took her two hours to get home after dropping the kids off at school, as she was lost in the many road ways. K, hearing this, decided it was best for us to check on her every morning to ensure this doesn't repeat, as her physicality is not as strong as when she was a young spring chicken.

Anyway, this morning at the time of 8.45pm after we had dropped off our own little monkeys, we headed there. By midway through, the car began producing this sound, which caught K's and my attention. As I had heard this sort of noise before, I didn't make much fuss over it. K was also on the same boat. This, however turned to be a warning for future trouble. The car came to a red light, K had lessened the accellerator and haulted for the stop. It turned out, the car had completely gone dead. We couldn't start up the engine again. It had me worried because we were in the middle of a busy road. K had tried and tried to make the engine to restart, but it was to no avail. I made the call to my big bro who lives thirty minutes away. He came immediately.

We waited and waited, in the while wondering what the bloody hell had happened to the car. K blamed it on the Toyota company as they were in this big recall mess currently. My bro came and he made calls to towing companies to see which was the cheapest and hired them to come get the sickling car. By around 10am, big bro tried to fix it by recharging the battery of K's car with adatpors. It worked when the car was able to make its usual roaring noise whenever its engines starts. Big bro rang the towing company to cancel their trip. So that was the end of that, you'd think? Then we drove to find new batteries, and the car, once again "died". It stopped but this time K had the little push in the car to get it out of the highway and onto this entrance way to shops. It was embarrassing as passer-cars drove by staring at us. The people who wanted to get in to the shops were signalled by K to navigate around us to get through. It lasted around ten minutes when this lady came to help. We pushed the car to the parking lot and had the engine fired up again by way of the adaptor. Big bro then came to see the problem and made us go home.

That was not where the adventurous morning had concluded. The car suddenly stopped again in, this time right in the heart of the busy road where many cars were beepiings us. Big bro was driving behind this time round and had it started. This stop and retart routine was done twice more after that, until we got to the Repco store. We bought a new battery and changed it there. The car began to behave normally finally. K told me she'a now afraid to drive the car after this nerve-wracking experience. I replied saying that mum's car, which was way older and more insecure by the loud noise it always made when accellerating, was alot better than this so-called new generation of cars. We got home in the end, thank goodness.

I just received a call from K just now that the car misbehaved yet again, as it stopped on her way to the mechanic. K informed me that the tow truck is coming to get her and big bro. Let's just hope that'll be the last time it'll do that.

Sleeplessness

I CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT BECAUSE MY BRAIN IS BRAIN-DEAD.

Unusual Behaviour

Ever since they returned from their vacation, the douche bag has been going to sleep very early. He and his wife now go to bed around 8.30 which is very unusual. Before this phenomenon, they often than not slept around 10. I noticed this new trend on the second day and asked K what is the deal with it. She thought that they wanted to get better quality of life because sleep is good for the health. The douche bag, in particular, was concerned about his hear issue prior to the vacation, and now he is deep in that thought process. So there you go- the douche bag sees that he has health issue and he forces others, his wife and daughter, to follow his lead. Quite a dictatorship he's got going on here, I'd say. Nevertheless, it is not a problem for me. I like it since I can come out to get some air, watching TV outside.

Oh, one more thing about the unusual circumstance upon their return. Today, the douche bag had K return the Sky TV machine because he doesn't want to consume much tv nowadays. Who would've thought? It's like somebody's taken the old douche bag when he was on his vacation and the one we're stuck with now is somebody new. He goes to bed early and doesn't want to watch much. It's getting real creepy.

Nightmare

Lately my mind is too much occupied by random thoughts that are too far fetched. I was really not in the same mood when I was free of the children. Tonight, having spent many nights fantasising about fake realities in my head previously, I came down with sleep deprivation. Early in the night, I was already sound asleep. In that I was dreaming about the strangest nightmare. Of course, all nightmares are usual in any way of form. I was dreaming about being chased by big sharks with my family. One of my beloved cousin who had passed away was present in there. I didn't know to make of it, but in the nightmare, I was telling not to be stupid when he was playing a game with my uncle trying to use kids as bates to lure the sharks. I haven't thought about him for some time now, and seeing him like that helps me realise the last few days of my ranting about the return of the family seems really childish. I ought to man up and take responsibilities seriously. Stop thinking about the outcome that could've been and focus more about today and the next day. Be good to the kids, and don't unleash your anger on them. It's unfair to them. Remember that!

Speaking of the kids, I want to say that the girl is becoming more obnoxious than previously. She had been the master creator of some of my heat towards being stuck here. Now though, I should realise it is not her fault. She is as a victim as I am about this situation.

On another note, Ken and his wife came here this afternoon, wanting to chat with K about the shop. After the chitchat, they invited all of us to bbq this coming Saturday. Ken had just bought a new grill and wanted to try it. I am happy about that because we would have something to occupy our Saturday.

Contradiction

The other day, K and I had an interesting conversation about the diagnosis of mental disorders. She ended up contradicting herself, when she said that some people use such disgnosis to excuse themself from participating fully or taking full accountability of their actions. She was contradicting herself because she herself had used such excuse to describe the condition of her inability to proper pronounce some words. She had an excuse because she has dyslexia. I confronted her about this apparent condictration to which she totally owned up to. She confessed that sometimes using an excuse such as a diagnosis to explain your abnormal functionalities is a way to avoid blame and self-doubt. SO I had to think about it, do I use my condition of BDD to excuse myself from the real world?

I remember one day at school in Classics class, my teacher was holding a conversation with a girl student. The student was telling the teacher that she felt she was ugly, but the teacher was insisting that it was a phase. An adolescence phase that most normal teenagers had to endure. Immediately, I clicked, thinking I was suffering from this phase. In the beginning I wasn't aware of my appearance. I was quite naive. After hearing this, it quickly occurred to me that I was in the phase of feeling inferiority of my appearance. As what the teacher had said, it was a phase. It will ease eventually, right? WRong. Until now I am still aware of my perceived appearance. I still think that I am ugly, and most times when everyone else goes out, I try my best to evade seeing people. I have compulsion in activities that I don't even know I was performing it. I told K about my condition. She didn't seem to care in the beginning until one day she saw this edition of BDD sufferers on TV that it became more clear. I was a victim of such disorder. I watched the programme with her that day. I was not something I had thought about. I didn't want to be labelled as a mental person. But the sufferers from the show had the same symptoms as me. They weren't into going out, they tried their best to avoid cameras, they picked on their face, avoiding reflection, etc. I was doing the same activities as them. SO that was that. I knew what was wrong with me.

K is the only soul who knows about me. I don't think I'll ever tell anybody else, especially my family. My mum, I would think, would be freaked out. She is not the type who'd understand. My dad is not good with emotional connection with his kids. Besides I haven't seen him for over ten years. My brothers are too distant from me, emotionally.

Fast forward a few years to the present, I still haven't seeked professional help. K had insisted that after we got out of this house, we will find some therapy for assistance. I agreed to it because I don't want the fucking thing to consume my life. Lately, it's been better. I still go out, but anxiety hits whenever I get out of the car. I can't stand that feeling, that heavy anchor pulling you down. I try my best to suck it up, but at times it gets too heavy. K tries to help when possible. I think her help was sometimes further adding on the grievances that I felt already by it. I can't blame her though. How can you when she's the only person you have who understands that side of yourself.

Theory

I had this really weird continual dream about the prospect of going back to school almost every single week. Sometimes, these dreams occur more than once within the same week. I was really blasphered because I always thought that these recurring dreams were used in films either to add supsense or reveal secrets about the character's inner thoughts as the film progresses. It could actually occur in real life.

I don't know much about dreams, and I haven't read anything on why dreams happen and what dreams are, but I do have my own theory on why they occur. I think that we dream dreams because they are unconscious thoughts that are leftovers at the end of the day. But when we're in our unconscious state such as sleeping, these thoughts become more prominent in our minds. I don't have science to reinforce my thinking. However, as many people who have experienced near death, they would tell you their lives would flash before them. I can't say that it could be true but I had my own problems to realise it too. I did get some sort of flashbacks when I was in this realm of depression, wanting to suppress all my troubles, that these episodes of the past came crying back. I remembered seeing images, but these images aren't of prominent significance. It was more like little episodes, like the time I was swimming in this stream on holiday. It was nothing of any importance but again it came straight to me as if something of this little importance in my life needs revision. So, I was thinking the fact that I was dreaming about going back to school and was not prepared to sit tests at the time of examinations would suggest that my unconscious thought was preoccupied by my inner self, wanting to return to school. But what is the not ready for exams part signify? I don't really understand, but according to my sister's theory, it could tell me that I didn't want to go back to school at this time because I am not prepared for that return.

So the fact that my dream consists of the same theme, which is the revellation that I was unprepared for school, tells me that I don;t want to go to school. I had been thinking for sometime anyway why do I want to return schooling after a long interval period of being stuck here. It makes me question myself. My sister insists that I should get some kind of qualification before moving on to do something else, because a degree will butter up my application for a job. I guess she's right.

Youtube Trouble

I was trying to get my username on Youtube changed. I didn't know how to do so, seeing that when I went to setting and there wasn't anything there that helps out with this issue, I decided to delete my account. In this event, I thought I would set up a new account with the preferred username. However, when I tried to set up an account using this email, the one that I used for my deleted account, it wouldn't let me. It says instead that my account was permanently disabled.

What should I do? Should I do another account using another email address?

How's the Weather?

We are all affected by the weather in some way. Some of us don't like rainy days, so they prefer staying in during this time. Some don't like sunny days, as it is not the weather condition to suit them. SOme more prefer the weather that is clowdy, lessening the effect of sunburnt. The weather has a way to affect people's mood, so that is why it is one of the most asked questions you ask or get asked by a stranger.

I, on the other hand, don't like talking about it. I think it is such a generic question that people now use to fill in the silence among those who don't know each other that well. LIke asking somebody how they were, only the question was used as a polite gesture, but didn't truly desire to hear what the answerer's day had been. So what other things can you ask people about? Well, for one, ask what you really want to know about them. If you don't think they'll like the questions, then don't communicate with them at all. THey'll also appreciate as well.

By the way, today in my corner of the world, it is exceptionally sunny. Very beautiful.

Flags

What is the sutdy of flags called?
My little cousin just borrowed a book on the symbols of flags. It's quite interesting how each falg tells us about each individual country.