Tuesday Blues

Today I had a panick attack. It was all about my life, my immediate future and my concern for the wellbeing of my whole family. I am weak in this field because I want everything to go great. This night, everything was collapsing on me. I couldn't believe that I was that weak not to deter such emotive feelings.

THere are so many troubles in my life right now. I had to go to uni, which I felt hard to do. The morning classes in particular are hard to wake up for. This very morning I couldn't get up, but when I did, I couldn't make it in time to Bio. I had to sit on the steps, where the slides on the projection made my life even more difficult. THe lecturer was going way too fast.

Then there was the time spending on looking for stationery, and for other school related stuff, which further made the financial situation more complicated. I had to spend around $200 in total for the text books. It's reall hard to contemplate about such spending. But I had to do it.

The worst of all the problems are my stay in this house. I just felt that my sister deserves something better than this. I don't like the way they are telling us not to cook in the kitchen because they fear we stink up the place, thus ruining their clothes. I understand their point of view, but I don't like it. I do want to cook, so does my sister. We are experimental cooks which require the kitchen.

The good thing is that my sister received a phone call from my d, telling us about my bro Ken came to the place and did't like the sight. He went to tell my family about it, and now he is helping us out of this place, which to my sister, it is a good thing. I know that we won't be living here long, but I didn't expect it to be this quick. But in the end, it is about our wellbeing, so I don't mind much.

Depositing $100 for the Rent

I had a terrible day beginning to the day. I was going through the usual stunts when the car parked near the kerb on the road. My sister had then left for work, whereas my lazy ass was staying put reading the magazines I had borrowed from the library last night. Then I was too tired and went to sleep.

THen it was the morning had gone that I reaslised I just wasted my morning for this mundane and generic routine. I should've done something to be more productive but there is the thing with me going to aus that prevented me to look serious into work. I should've done something nonetheless.

My sister would then come back to get me to have lunch. I felt pathetic that she had to do this. I was more pathetic when I got to the shop and realised that my presence there was just a mere waste of space. I didn't want to feel this way, but that was the only way to feel anything at all. I was that waste of space, because there was no other place for me to occupy for the time that my sister was at work. Now that is pathetic.

I did consume lunch with sis and my uncle and his wife. They were mad at each other for she was doing something not to the standard of his liking. That was the reason I wanted out as soon as I had lunch. Which I did do.

That was the worst part of the day- feeling most useless.

So after work my sister and I went to see the landlord for the room lease that we wanted to move into tomorrow. We paid them $100 deposit and then two weeks of rent bond because that is what they wanted. We would have the money returned to us when we move out from them.

I am feeling weak in the stomach. Upon coming back to this house, we were supposed to tell the douchey couple about our leaving. Apparently I was not in the mood to do so. So we planned on telling them tomorrow once we had moved our stuff. IT's going to look bad, I know. But we have been this way to them anyway, so it doesn't matter if we pulled this once more time.

Watched Two Good Films

I watched two movies one after the other last night. Both were great. I loved them, enjoyed every minute of either of films. They are great in their own ways, one was inspirational in that I wanted to follow suit in the direction that I want to be a billionaire. The other was just plain fun, and in some way sparked my own nostalgic feeling.

So it is pretty obvious what the film is then when I said that I wanted to become a billionaire like the protagonist in that film. Yes, it is the Social Network. I rememeber wanting to watch the film since its initial theatrical release, but I didn't someone to accompany me. I kept on delaying until last night, I said I had it. I wanted to watch it and there wouldn't be any thing stopping me.

Then there was another film i borrowed. It was EASy A. I don't know why I wanted to watch it. The cover was intriguing so that was that. And it didn't disappoint.

As for today, my sister and I went to check out this room near my uncle K's shop. The place was interesting to say the least because as I was viewing the room, there was an excitment within that said I wanted to move in immediately. I got this sensation that the place brought back memories of the time that my mum, sister and I were homestaying with this Cambodian family. It was an exciting time for me. So I am going to enjoy staying this place. The best thing about it is that i will be as far away from this place as my money could afford. It's gonna be good.

Looking For Apartment

I apologise for the lack of quality posts for a long time. My life has been going through a whirlwind. It has been tough for me in the last few weeks. To think that after getting the paper I should be able to live a life that I want. By things have gone all wrong, making me feel less and less like I should be alive, which ironically was the same sentiment that I felt in the depression state.

Anyway, I am now looking for an apartment, or any place really. The people that I live with are kicking me and my sister out. REally.

So my sister is looking for any apartment, regardless of size, as long as it fits both of us in. So the apartment has to be close to uni and to any potential work that I am going to take up. Anyway, speaking of work, I am desperately looking for any paid work. I signed up for McDonalds, for cinemas and Burger King works. I hate this feeling, it's like growing up. I am not ready yet. Not for a very long time.

Don't Want to Return

This week has been terrible. I am sitting in front of my computer in my room, in this house, feeling defeated.

Not going into details about how bad the week had been, but the worst that could come out of this all is the fact that I will have to return to the place that I dread of going to. It is the place that started the whole bad week to begin with. I just don't want to return, don't want to return....

Tuesdays and Sadness

I am reading this book called Tuesdays with Morrie. It is something that I saw on tv and thought it was interesting. I didn't go read it straight away. There was this panic attack that happened late November last year, and then until now I decided to give it a read. The panic was the same sentiment to the theme of the book. That is the reason I want to read it.

As I was reading the book, my heart went back to horror it was in November. I went to shower hopeing that it would erase abit, only it had worsened.

Earlier in the day, there was an argument between the pair whom I stayed with. The dudette came back to the apartment, and my mind ran wild for the whole day. THoughts like why am I here, there attitudes are childish being that they are running a legitimate business, only to throw away these for no significant reason. I fear the worst for them.

There was a selfish thought amongst the others. I wanted to quit then and there. Actually on Monday night that thought had entered my head. I walked to the bus station as they were in the argumentative state. I wanted to get on the bus, as it stopping at the station for temporarily rest stop. I wanted to get on it, just to be away from them, and ultimately from the life that I never wanted in the first place. What happened next was my stupidity running more wilder. I phoned my sister for advice.

In the end, we decided that the wisest thing is to tell them that I want out from two weeks from now. It is the mature thing to do, plus it would mean that my relationship with them is going to remain somewhat neutral. At least that's waht I thought.

When I mentioned about my quitting to the dude yesterday night on our way back from the shop, I said that I wanted to do travelling. It is not a lie, nor truthful either. It's just that i havent fully commited to my plan, or to any plan for that matter. The dude was somewhat casual about it. He said that he would find somebody to replace me, then I would leave., be it one week, one month from now.

THen I told him about his hard work. I was half way through it until he told me to remain silent. I thought he was thnking that I was reasoning with him about my quitting. I didn't correct him though.

So when I got to the apartment tonight, the dudette wasn't there. The room was dark, the dude went to shower as he would normally do. I was in my room, awaiting for my turn, plus reading the book. By then I had read to the part that mentioned inevitability of one thing that dreads me badly, to the point that I coulldn't function for many many days. It saddened me.

The night improved when I came out to have dinner. I cooked three eggs for myself only, didn't speak with the dude. I watched tv as I was eating. He then went inside to sleep.

For one hour later, the dudette came back. I wasn't looking at her, she wasn't at me, I just continued with watching tv. A moment of awkwardness, a lack of knowledge of each others' existence left weakened. I thought I was better than that. But evidently, not so much.

So what is the event that I am telling got to do with the book?

The book is ultimately about life, love and other touchy feely stuffs. The couple on the other hand is doing their best portraying a life that is dying slowly like the professor in the book, with ASL. Only thing they don't know it, because they are obliviously to living to expectations of others.

I feel sad to witness it live and alive in front of my eyes and not doing anything to stop it.

Bad Week

The week has been bad.

• The shop is making less money. NOt sure why people aren't coming this week. Many speculations include the after the school holiday effect, the coming mother's day, so people either save or have no money to spend on luxuries like meats.
  
• The freezers in the back and out at the front of the shop broke down. It sucked cause I got to help get the frozen meats and other stuffs and transfer them to the freezers that weren't broken.
  
• The heat sealer broke.
  
• The vacuum machine stopped working.
  
• I went to sleep after ten every night this week due to me going to the apartment later. Last Saturday was particularly late as the builder was making frames for the wall. I got home at around 12.30am. Was angry cause there wasn't any reason for me to be there.

On the bright side though, I will be going back to auckland tomorrow. Thank goodness!!!

Thievery

Happy Easter Holiday! For me it's particularly nice to have the long break. The butchery has been talking a big toll on me both physically and mentally. For the physical part, it is mainly about the lack of sleep that is taking away my enjoyment working at the shop. Mentally though, it's actually worse off. For the most parts, it's due to that my mind is not used to being this busy. I do the thinking and fantasing alot, especially about my sad mundane life. It's not doing well.

I have another disturbing thing that occurred at the shop. It is two days ago, on the Thursday, the time was almost when we were going to close. This chick came into the shop, wearing hoodies and was barefoot. She was walking around the shop, one hand carrying the basket while looking to shop. Dani, the girl who i work with, talked to her casually. They were chatting casually, which made me thought that the girl was a regular. I don't know, that was the impression that I got from the way they spoke.

The chick then told Dani that there was a tear in a bag. Dani put it aside on the bench. She then proceed to sell to other people. I was there, didn't think twice about what the bag was telling me. She was in fact trying to distract Dani, because she was going to steal. She thought by having Dani take the bag to the back, and have me not knowing what to do, she could get out of the shop unnoticed, or at least could get away with it.

Dani then told me that she would leave to fix the torn stuff. I said ok. She left and I then walked to the chicken area, then the next thing I heard the bell went ding. I didn't turn to see what was happening, only thought that the bell was just signalling someone was entering the shop. Dani came out screaming to me where was the chick. I replied don't know, that was when I figured the chick had gotten out with the basket containing at least goods over a hundred dollars. Shit, I was really angry and shaking at the same time. It was under my watch and yet I should have known the girl was going to do this. The signs were there; the hood, the barefoot, and her distractions, plus she was hanging around door area. I should've known!!

Then what's worse was my brother's constant shouting. Or lecturing in a high tonal sound. It was really aggravating when you already knew there wasn't anything you could do or say to change the outcome. I was especially angry at myself. I hated that I could have prevented the thievery if I looked up when the bell sounded and could have chased after her. But nope, my head was that stupid.

So yep, that was my first time that something like this occurred to me. I mean I have seen people stole from my before, but those were under a different circumstance. Those were in a bakery where you don't really see the true impact. In this instance, I saw it on the videotape, and it was evident she took the goods under my watch, under my supposedly supervision of the shop. The good part coming out of this, according to my sis, is that now I learned to carefully watch people, anybody.

Moving to a different topic. Last night we visited Auckland. The three of us traveled there around 10 in the morning, had yum char, and partied at my uncle v's place. It was hell fun over there, so i was saddened to return to this place. Anyway, we'd be going back up tomorrow for my aunt Soph's housewarming party.

Going Home is Not Meant To Be

I am now stuck in the butchery for at least another three hours. Why? I didn't even know about it when at ten minutes to six this evening a couple of dudes came to the shop. Apparently they were hired to do some fixings within the shop. Things like lighting, and some shelves. So I am stuck here until these people are done, which may seem like forever now.

My sister called around five o'clock informing of the late bus that i was going to catch to Auckland tonight. Because I can't stay there on Saturday, I had planned that I would migrate tonight, so then I wouldn't have to do it the next morning taking time off the amount I could spend with the kids and my sister. She said that the bus was leaving at 6.15pm, meaning I wouldn't be able to make it if I remained here until the shop closed. So K suggested that she would come here via her car. I was quite hesitant, and I wanted to catch the bus myself, disallowing her to drive a long distance. In the end I hesitantly agreed that she was the one who would drive here.

So our plan was set, then only came to a destruction with the sight of the two builders. Now my sister is angry, so am I. I wanted to leave HAMY so bad. I just want to be with the kids tonight. Instead I have to resort to staying here until those people finish, which is never a good thing.

K is now at home, showered and ate dinner. She texted me about it.

Crappy News

Disappointed. I just learned that the application for the degree I want to study this semester is closed. So I have to wait for second semester, which is 3-4 months from now. It is so unfair, I just want to restart my study as soon as possible. Waiting for three to four more months to study seems so long. It's shit, man.

Good Gesture Turned To Mush

I just posted saying that I was cooking something out of the ordinary tonight for everyone. My sister in law had made us the very dish last night, so I thought I might want to emulate her success tonight. I did it with the help of my sister, who did the cooking of the meat and the shrimps in the shed, as well as some cleaning. It was done and I asked the kids to eat it when they returned from Uncle K's house.

We finished the meal in no time. I, in particular, enjoyed it very much because it was healthy and tasty as well. My sis too was enjoying the meal. The kids however showed no interest. Jord didn't even want the rice noodles that I provided into his bowl. He asked for rice instead. The girl also wanted little amount and even that, she couldn't finish. I was abit upset over that.

Despite the children's disapproval, the most letdown was their mum's reaction to it. I know that I should've asked her to eat it, rather than have her wandered around peeping in to see what the foods were. She told me that she didn't like it. Then she realised what she had said was rude, so she retracted her saying by adding she's going to school tomorrow, which makes her not like that. She'd like rice with veges rather. Once I heard it, I was disappointed to hear it. It is because it was in a way something I hoped they'd enjoy as much as I do. I went to pack up the dishes and washed immediately.

I haven't told my sister about it. She'd be angry too if she heard it. I just ignored the question when she asked if the douchey couple had tasted it. It's not something I'd like to share if it could hurt the relationship.

This is not coming from the anger when they didn't even want to touch the foods (it happened right before she came into the kitchen and saw the food) but when I was in the bathroom, I overheard the d scolding at his wife. I don't know the whole conversation as I only got into the bathroom when they almost finished conversing. She told him about what the kids did, impersonating the sounds of the kids. He was painting the fence when this was happening, and it got him bothered. He scolded at her, telling her to shoosh, and to go shopping already.

I was really astonished to hear the sound of the car engine starting. I couldn't believe that she was taking this crap from him. Sometimes, I feel that people are just blind to what they don't want to see. When they have certain things, the badness tend to be folding under them. She is blind to all these bullshits. She is trapped without realising it. Or does she already know, but pretending to be ignorant of it, just so she could get by daily? However she thinks, it is not healthy in anyway.

What's the lesson learned from this evening? Don't be nice and make stuff that you think people would like. It would only lead to disappointment. In this family, that is the only thing they surely know how to do.

Going Off In The Car

Oh boy..oh boy. The afternoon was filled with a crazy scene. It was almost deja vu for me. Really. It was. I hated every moment of it. For what it's worth, I don't want to be in the same situation again. I don't want to ask for any favours from my brother any longer. At least, one favour that involves his wife.

So what happened? Well we were going to this place in the Glen Ennis to view the cars there. IT was like a flea market for cars. There were many car available there, but none interested us. We wasted about twenty or so minutes there, just walking around the park. Then as we headed to Otahuhu to get check out the dealerships in the area, L began nagging. She nags alot actually. Today I felt an undertone of discontent. Whenever things don't go as she wanted, you could feel it in the atmosphere that she isn't happy. Today, she made her discontent obviously.

We arrived at one of the dealerships along the road where many dealerships were present. We looked into one of them, seeing nothing we liked. L considered this a waste of time, because my brother was looking for a particular car model. If he liked that car so much, why are wasting our time searching around? She wanted to find out.

This little nagging in time turned to one that could cause world war three. It was that bad, due to her raised voice. She was quite annoying actually. I could see what she meant by saying that he was only interested in a limited choice of cars, which was quite stupid. I mean the car is meant for my sister to drive, so ultimately it would be her choice in the end. My brother made it that the car he saw at the GM place was the chosen one, despite some objection from me and my sis. The problem I saw with L was the way she went about it. She was vocal, which was unhelpful. In fact, it was really tense for the rest of us.

The tense was carried on for the rest of the ride. We stopped at this truck rental place, and she was acting quite bitchy. Sorry to use the term on her, since she is normally nice, but her attitude in the car today warranted the namesake. My brother calmed down and invited her to look at the trucks. They are moving next Saturday, so he was looking for a truck to shift their things. He was acting nicely, inviting inside. She gave him the silence treatment. So the intensity increased by ten fold from there.

After that, my brother asked if we would have lunch. She insisted on going back home, to the point that she almost raised her voice again. IT was going to be painful. Ken could only do as best as he could, which to stay quiet and to obey.

In that twenty or so minute ride, I felt like killing myself just to get out of the car. It was just bad. BAD.

She left the car as soon as the car got to her place. My brother asked where we'd go for lunch. We ended up going to club. There we spoke of our situation. Ken asked where we'd like to move to once we got our passies back. He suggested that we should move in with him in Hamilton, because it would help us, providing us with shelter, and it would ease his problem by working for him. I don't know how to reply. All I know right now is I want to apply for school, despite the uni starts tomorrow. As for where to sleep, I just don't care. Wherever, but as long as it is as far away from everything as possible. That's all I know. But of course I couldn't say that to him. I just said that I don't know, maybe stay with the douchey couple for the time being if I did get admitted to school. Otherwise, it is most likely I am going to work for him. This though is a predicament that I am trying to solve. Nothing is certain.

My sister pushed me to say that I would want to live with her until I go to school and get a job. I haven't promised her anything yet, because again I don't know for sure of what to do next.

Lunch was done and we departed ways. He drove us back to the house, and he left, possibly going to a friend's house, seeing he wouldn't want to return to a house with a madwoman inside. I wouldn't want to too.

That is our afternoon. Though we did go to the library for alittle bit. Right now the o is taking the children to Uncle K's place. I am making this rice noodle treat for dinner. It was the same meal I had at Ken's last night. I enjoyed it so I am trying to emulate it. Hopefully it'd be good.

Unhappy

Unhappy. I just saw Brige two days ago, I felt better, then it reverted back to my bad mood. This is what I am feeling right now. It's the feeling that I don't want to live, because there is no point.

Jealousy. I am envious for the people who have got their things straightened. I hate it.

The Return of the Monkey Kings

The title is not as a compelling a story as it might suggest. It is about my aunt aka the o, and the two kids, returning from their vacation. It was about one month and a half that they left, it's been that long.

Fast forward to the 6th of Feb, which lied on the same as the Waitangi Day, they had returned. On that day, we were supposed to go to work. The douche, however, had asked my sister to write a notice that we wouldn't open it that day. I don't know for sure why he had done that. According to my sister, he himself didn't want to go work in the morning. My thinking wasn't with her being that I believe he didn't want to bother us. Who cares anyway.

K did some cleaning in the morning. She was instructed to do so via a phone call from the shop. Guess who was it?

She did as instructed but still the douche, once he got back, did some more cleaning. So why did he ask K to do in the first place? I stayed inside the room, trying to complete the puzzle, something I had been meaning to do. I did manage to do the bottom half, only the sky to complete now. When the douche finished vacuuming, he left for the airport, and we followed in ensuing minutes.

We got there at around 12.45, having to stop for petro and for my brunch. By the time we reached to the airport, on the side of the returning terminal, we saw the plane was only in processing. For almost one hour, we saw them finally pulling two trolleys. They packed so much stuff.

The douche stocked the packages in his big RAV4 drive, and drove home. K and I followed his route back home. Once returned, I helped with unloading the stuff off the car and into the house. K began cooking soup for dinner.

The whole afternoon was spent doing nothing much. K was busying in the kitchen, with a period of shopping for ingredients, and I was just walking around and chatting away with the kids. Jord, in particular, looked like that he had grown alot over the holiday period. Jude looked similar as before but was happier.

Uncle K came with his wife. He then helped out assembling the shed, with K and. It took us aorund 3-4 hours and still we hadn't completed it. Some nailings had to be done to secure the shed to the flooring. This is something he did with his wife last night.

I don't know what to make about their return. One thing for sure is that the douche was glad to see his family back. Who wouldn't? As for my sister, she was abit sad as it means that her freedom would be compromised. It's not going to be long though. We will leave when we go to school.

The Worst Call

I took this photo while on the Paihia boat trip.

I called the immibitch (a name I am now calling referring to the bitch whose name I won't mention because she is a bitch) on the fifth of this month. I tried to contact 30 days earlier but apparently she was on leave. I called her in hope to let her see my point of view but she was still absent on the day. The phone operator said she's be back on the 10th.

So what did I do? I let the operator emailed to the immibitch. Shit. Now I have to wait until the bitch herself received it and return the call.

Did she? Yep. On Wednesday last week, when I was waiting for my brother when he was in the dentist's room, around 2.30pm.

What did she say? Before I could manage to say anything, she let my hope down. The first thing she said was that she will only do the case according to when they come to her hands, not through other means. In someway, I felt insulted by this remark. I think she meant that I was begging somehow. Bitch. This presumptious and ignorant bitch is assuming my calling her was begging. Yes, it's kinda true, but still she didn't needed to sound absolutely condescending.

As I was asking her for favour, I couldn't say the nasty things in my head. Names that can't be used I wanted to yell at her. It was up there, in the way that my temper was reaching.

In the end the phone ended in unsatisfactory. I couldn't convey my message to her, nor did I find out about specific dates as to when I could expect the case to be finalised.

Moving

Tonight we boxed some things ready for the new house. Tomorrow will be the moving day for me, as we will shift some small items to the new premise. Saturday is the official moving day because the douche had ordered a moving truck for the purpose.

I am not happy to find and ready to move house. Tonight was a light packing. I just dread packing things. It's not how I like to roll.

The moving house was actually meant to be two weeks ago on the Monday. On Sunday before THAT Monday, the parents were sleeping at the new house, leaving the little ones with us. They slept in their parents' room, with Jord and Jude were so happy. I remembered they played and laughed in the room until I threatened to separate them for the night, then they stopped and snoozed off in some time.

I lost track in what I wanted to say. What I really wanted to say is that I don't like moving after having done so for many times. Fifteenth times infact. It's not going to stop because that would mean I have to live with the douche forever, which is something I dont wish. I am going to have to endure some more movings.

Festival

Today is a mixed bag. You got good, middle and bad times.
Good:

• The kids' market day at school. As same with last year, the parents attended the festival, but this time we were treated to buying th goods the children made particularly for the occasion. Jude was making cupcakes for her cafe called KEKE CAFE. She served for the first ten minutes and left with us to shop around. We went to buy her cupcakes. My sister bought four thinking one for each of the children (the twins were with us). She enjoyed it a lot. Love that about my little girl.
  Jord was the gardener for the night. He had planted petunia plant in this cut out bottle with seed. It was so cute. When my sister went to buy it, the teacher said specifically that he had made the best looking one in the bunch. Proud of him.


• Gran and my uncle came to see the festival as well. They didn't partake in much of the activities but at least they were there for the twins.


• I have improved a bit from the severe depression that I had for the last one and a half week. It started last week's Tuesday, but it had gotten slightly better.


• Talked to Sheree on the helpline. She was somewhat helpful and told me to not be too harsh on myself. She told me to see councillor.


• Had lunch and dinner at Gran's. T was the cook and she is a great chef. Loved her foods.

Ok's

• Went to have my Gran's photos taken. She is leaving to Cambo in fifteen days. My uncle wants to sponsor her back, so we took her to have her photos taken. She will need a medical checkup.


• I talked to the immi people. Apparently the lady who does our case is named Marian. Our case is not priority to them as we are under section 35a for breaching some regulation before. It will take about a few months but our case looks pretty good, according to the receptionist.

Bad:

• The fucking parents didn't come to the festival after promising to Jude that they'd be there. Shit. When we got home late at around 8.30pm, they were only present in the house a few minutes prior and were about to have dinner. Shit. When we got inside the house, no word at all asking about the festival. Only the mum asking abit like what was the plant Jord was carrying. Otherwise, no words. They were more interested in the new house because that was the topic of the night when they informed K about the paints Douche bought. Not sure what the paints were for as I didn't listen, but for a guess, I'd say it's for the roof.


• Finding out that I had to wait for the next few months for results on our case. Shit. Pissed. I will sue them when I get it for the emotional damage that the waiting had inflicted upon me and my sister.


• The sinking feeling reappeared at the festival. It was meant to be fun but my corrupt mind wasn't letting go of the sorrow i felt. It was and is shitting my head so badly.

Inevit

I am in a deep depression right now. It's something far greater than the usual sadness that I would get. Years ago I had the same thought, now it has returned one night and has been in my mind.

Day at the Beach

Sunday, how it went and so on:

• My brother called early in the morning around 8.30am. That is early in my book, ok. So he asked if we wanted to come with him to the flea market over the other side of city. We agreed because there was nothing we planned by ourselves. In the next one hour, he came, with his wife, and off we went to the market.
  
  The weather was humid, and the atmosphere was fun. I loved it because we skimmed through the market as though there was nothing else to do, which was the truth. We went round and round the place, burnt in the hair and all. Nonetheless, it was fun to be out and to be at a location far enough to be called an outing.
  
  Lunch at this Chinese restaurant, in the city. A new restaurant and was recommended by my brother's friend, who said it was cheap and delicious. It was in fact proven false as we tried to day. Dearer than anywhere we'd been to and the dishes were somewhat ok. Surely my brother said he's never return.
  
  The whole afternoon was spent at the beach where the children were playing in the water, while we were sitting, chatting away. It was not ideal for me because I just couldn't sit and does nothing for hours, yet this afternoon I wasn't my choice to do such thing. My brother and his wife did pick to sit and "relax" with the cool breeze brushing against your skin in the hot, hot sun. Anyway, there we sat, watching others play, and all we did was walk around and then sat somemore. The children, on the other hand, were enjoying themselves.
  
  We had dinner at the Chinese restaurant. It is a place my brother has come to enjoy, as we had many meals there. For me, I never liked the place. Salty and oily foods are not my cup of tea. Despite my distaste for the place, I couldn't help but remained silent.
  
  Coming back to this hell hole, it felt wrong again. The douche was being a douche, and he had his things packed and moved to the new house, without telling us a word why he had done so one day prior to the moving date. He also said he'd sleep at the new place tonight, meaning we are going to look after the children by ourselves tonight.
  
  FCK!
  
  So that's the whole day. I genuinely liked it.

UH!

• Jude is at it again. After my telling her the other day about her not listening to me, she is performing the same thing, which is not freaking hearing what I had been telling her. I said she should do her homework. Work on the familiar ones first, then when she gets stuck, come ask me for aid. Something I had already said for some many times before. Of course, it didn't pan out with planned. She didn't even bother to contribute to the easier questions, yet alone attempting to focus on the harder ones. It's frustrating to me, because I am the one who is helping her. HUH
• The family is destined to move next Monday. They got the keys yesterday, when they met with the realtor, in the while I was at work with K there as well. I still haven't gotten to pack anything yet.
• WHY do I keep on feeling guilty whenever....?