I have been telling myself to be a better blogger, thus write more deeper stories and to have more frequent posts. I have failed on both fronts. There is no excuse for it and I think my blogging may be hitting that point where I don't have the desire to continue writing. I do hope it is an exception feeling for momentary.
Anyway, for the past week, it's been a trainwreck. Not that it was an aberration from my usual insanity. This week, in particular, was heart breaking since I was feeling the sentiment which most depressed people are replete with. My mind is playing this cruel game one night when I was having a nightmare about the situation in which I am stuck in the rut for a very long time. It showed that I was dying inside for the longevity in which my existance was absent in the real world. I can't stand to see that because I have always thought since the moment I could remember I existed that I want to become somebody great. Somebody, when I die, will be remembered in the history book. However, as time drags on, and my situation seems to be stationary for evermore, this nightmare is becoming more and more a reality.
I would often read people's blogs and see how they are with their lives. When I see how they get along with their lives, it is more evident that I can't be here any longer. The real sad thing is that I am powerless. There was one time I threatened to leave this place and that was the end of it. No change ensued.
I abhor this all shit.
Anyway, my big bro yesterday morning came to visit me. He told me about my mum seeing this fortune teller. The teller informed her that I will receive my case result back in the next 8-9 days. I am a heavy sceptic, but the fact that the teller made a clear deadline seems to be coincidental to what my lawyer had told me last month. I am still a non-believer, though. And oh, the teller didn't mention what the outcome was going to be.
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