K's Outburst

I often would be angry at myself when I don't do my job properly. This includes the job description of parenting the children. This morning I woke up alarmingly late because I couldn't bring myself up in the early morning. My mind immediately thought of the kids' homework, in which they were supposed to do as part of their daily routine. I didn't bother to check on them in the week, and at the time I had a realisation about my absent mind. I then asked K if the kids, in particular the boy, had any work to do. Of course, she didn't know and was mouthing off about the parents themselves should have made effort to help with this such work. In the true sense of these douche bags, there wasn't any aid to accompany this relieve as I found out that the kids hadn't done it, especially the boy for his blank pages on his workbook.

I organised the routine to which the kids were following before they could be off to their Saturday afternoon school. Ju, having done some of the work load, easily finished in the neck of time. THe boy was, however, in constant reminder by me and K to focus on his work. Many attempts to get him do something were made, and they were to some extent successful and some weren't so much. K was melodramatic and had busted her angry and fustration onto the boy, who, by the final minutes to schooling, was still imcomplete with the homework. I chided in about her behaviour and got the kids prepared by dressing them. His workbook wasn't finished still, but it was the case of too little too late. K drove the kids to school, eyes all watery. I didn't want to make a scene, but I was quite displeased by her sobbing. Then again, she's really that sensitive to things that are out of her control, including today's event.

The following events were normal. K later told me the fact she fussed earlier was due to her mood in the morning. She was having this clear minded morning, and was therefore in elation. When the lapse occurred, she had felt the change was too much ungratifying to not be angry at the boy. I just listened of course. She was right that her frustration was never anything intentional toward the boy. This was one of the times when life's bloody moments suck you in with the tightest grip to make you feel less human. She was merely responsive to it.

I felt these feelings too whenever I couldn't prioritise myself to get the children to behave more functionally. I do give outbursts when theydon't make effect to listen. So her lapse today was nothing of her own fault. These emotions will turn to guilt, and by having guilt in your conscience will only make you weaker. All we can do now is look forward to tomorrow and do our best to avoid the similar ocurrence.