Work or Study

I've been thinking lately (not a novelty!). If I receive the news that is favourable, do I want to go back to study or should I just find work? Study is always what I wanted to do when I was still in high school. I would be so studious (well, not all the time) in class and loved to do assignments. As of late, however, as I am going through a deep depression and on anxious grounds with everyone in the house, I don't think I want to go back to being a good boy. It could be better that I begin work to get a real grasp of what life can offer. See the real world that way.

Then again, I said to myself that if I could get the news sooner and it was good, then I would head for Japan for a year. It would be considered a holiday and also a life lesson. Going to a different environment, especially to a place you don't speak the language, it would teach something about my life. I want to find adventure there. It would be a metaphor for life.

I was really excited at the prospoect of living in Japan, but of course there are obstructions. First of all, the matter of my life's future is uncertain, still waiting for the news to get back. Secondly, I see some trouble in speaking to strangers. It is a condition, I would say, a derivative of my depression. Anyway, I was shut in a jail (figure of speech of course) for four years that it was bound to get a hold of me. This condition, therefore, will have a big impact, whether I will see myself rise to the surface or sink even deep into an abyss. Thridly, the language barrier will be immense within the first few months of living there. Will I cope with isolation?

On the other hand, I can always go back to school, and then head to Japan anytime agter graduating from school. It is more of a subtle to experience adventure, but deep within me, I want the adventure now. I want it to shake off the horrendous menmories I had dealt in my short years of living.

Either way, the decision is uncertain in the immediate future as I am still waiting for the news.