Troubles and Worries

Here are some of my worries and troubles;

> I fell just an oldie despite the fact i am still 20 years old. When I stare in the mirror, I see an old person's reflection. It's saddening me that I am this young but have the mindset of an elderly.

> I am stuck in this sh*thole and it doesn't to ever end. It's been ten or years now that i am waiting and that's killing me.

> I can't go to sleep at night and am constantly feeling tired from the insomnia. There are times I feel sleepy but can't put that into action makes me feel highly frustrated that my mind could play such a cruel game.

> Am in constant bad mood. From early in the morning when I get up to the sun sets to the moment I lay my head on the pillow, I just can't make my life change from its deterioration.

> Am away from school for many years and feel like I can't go back because of the lateness in my schoolings.

> Suffering from loneliness due to staying at home and don't meet people outside the house.

> Can't get the nerve to live life as it should.

> Mute when around people. I can't seem to be myself when I'm around strangers. I get, like, a mind freeze.

> Feeling suffocated with the kids being constantly trying to get me angry at them. They always make the house dirty and don't listen to instructions. They don't like certain foods which are already on the dinner table and therefore refuse to even touch them. I have to listen to their ramblings when they are angry at each other. Though the last one is ok but sometimes it's overbearing to hear about what their sibling had done, when infact it's the sort of thing they'd do it as well.

> Did I mention that I am stuck in the rut!!

> I am living with the worst douche bags of all. They hate me and they think I am useless to the bone.

> Always felt useless. The douchebags are right.

> Angry at my mum for not being a better mother when I was younger. Just never had the proper experience as a child.

> WHy was I even born? My mum already had three prior to my birth. She had two boys until my sister came along. She said that she wanted a girl. SO after the birth of my sister, what is the point in having me? She already got what she wanted in my sister, and my birth would only make things worse, finance and stress-wise. I don't have to the will to ask this question directly to her, though.

> Sleep deprivation!!!!

> Guardian guilts from being a failure to the kids' needs.

> HAte own appearance. Can''t even have my photos taken because I am afaid to see them.

More later..