Last time I wrote about the problems which are continuing eating me up day by day. Here is the resumed list;
> Because there is nothing else to occupy my mind, I have the tendency to want to see flaws in my appearance. It is getting me down gravely being that I can't face the world when I go out.
> My family is replete with losers. It's sad to admit but if you'd seen my whole family, you'd think of them the same. Or worse. Anyway, my family is spelled with trouble as its title. They hate each other for one, and many other things that cause to be falling apart.
> The most sad thing for me, in the long list of things that I don't like about life, lays with the happiness, or lack thereof, of my sister. She is currently in the same boat as me. She is doing her best to fit in with the situations that were handed down to me unexpectedly and these weren't warranted for. Times and times again, she would explode to stress and her frustrations which is understandable. I feel horrible when it happens. It would mean I'm not doing enough to help her out, to alleviate some pain. If you think I have a tough time dealing with the situation, she is doing a gazillion times worse.
There are more to her problems than meets the eye. WHen she was younger, I remember my mum would take me out on her rides to places. These events would take place almost daily. She would leave my sister at home with these other people, who were helping us out with the housework. I had never heard my sister ever complained once. It's saddening when I realise the repercussions would lead her to feel abandoned, and unwanted in the family. I kept telling her she's one crucial part of the puzzle in my life and I would never have wished for anyone else.
When the crucial change in our lives happened on the near eve of the turn of the new millenium, she was there for me. I would feel upset about the change and she would symphasise them with me. I felt I haven't yet reciprocate to her with she is currently dealing with. I don't emotional stability to lend her my shoulder. I's hardening for me to even admit I have problems, let alone be the listener to her.
My sister is going through the rough times of her life. She is at an age where the world is within her reach, yet that sentiment is beyond believable under current oppression. She is braving the situation and she is continuing to endure. What is worsening is her mood swings. They are coming faster and louder than ever. When I could avoid it, I would do so. When I couldn't, I would get into arguments with her over her actions, upon making sure she would let the situation for that moment. To help her lessening the stress. It of course would come as a prize when we don't talk to one another for a couple of days or so. It's all trouble when it comes to us not agresing with each other's actions. Usually the arguments are over the kids, and our parenting skills toward them. Her being stubborn is also a top proprietor to our bickering.
Ok, back to my other issues...
> I am feeling like crap when I don't complete tasks that were assigned to me.
> My Stupid fantasies. They are not real and stop thinking about them. You're still the useless kid inside someone else's house, leeching off of them, and have no life of your own.
> BDD
> OCD
> High stress.
There are of course nice days amidst my situation. I will post about the good things when I get the chance.
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