So it turned out the cake was indeed for me. Kim had planned this 'party' for my twenty first birthday. She even bought this corny candle for the cake and had gone beyond anything to have twenty one cherries to symbolise the 'cherish years of my life thus far', according the planner herself. She went further by giving me three presents, one is a can of three tennis ball, another is an amethyst necklace to help me with my trouble, and the last is this beautiful compass which represents my interest of travel. My bro was of course, as I had mentioned in an earlier post, present at the 'party'. He was in on it too. There was nothing really special after we had the cake. We just continued the day as any other.
Later I asked K, did she invite Ken to come or was it his idea? She replied that she asked him. I felt embarrassed hearing this, because I knew he'd think I am some sort of a birthday hag. It is funny in some way, but total humiliation if you were the victim.
Moving away from the birthday for a minute. Right now I feel depressed. I feel like wanting to kill myself. This is the day after my birthday. Shouldn't I be happy about my special day? Why do I feel this way on the day most people would be glad to have? The day is irrelevant to my emotion. This morning I looked in the mirror, and what is reflected is very haunting in the least. I never liked what I see in my reflection. Yet, I can't resist the urge to stare. It always gets to me.
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