Japanese

Learning Japanese is harder than I anticipated. I knew going into it that it's quite hard seeing how difficult their writing system is. But I thought I knew Chinese Mandarin, so it wouldn't be so. I was wrong. Their grammar is also complicated. I hope digging deeper into the language it would become easier. Right now I am studying how to ask for the price of certain items.

Going Off In The Car

Oh boy..oh boy. The afternoon was filled with a crazy scene. It was almost deja vu for me. Really. It was. I hated every moment of it. For what it's worth, I don't want to be in the same situation again. I don't want to ask for any favours from my brother any longer. At least, one favour that involves his wife.

So what happened? Well we were going to this place in the Glen Ennis to view the cars there. IT was like a flea market for cars. There were many car available there, but none interested us. We wasted about twenty or so minutes there, just walking around the park. Then as we headed to Otahuhu to get check out the dealerships in the area, L began nagging. She nags alot actually. Today I felt an undertone of discontent. Whenever things don't go as she wanted, you could feel it in the atmosphere that she isn't happy. Today, she made her discontent obviously.

We arrived at one of the dealerships along the road where many dealerships were present. We looked into one of them, seeing nothing we liked. L considered this a waste of time, because my brother was looking for a particular car model. If he liked that car so much, why are wasting our time searching around? She wanted to find out.

This little nagging in time turned to one that could cause world war three. It was that bad, due to her raised voice. She was quite annoying actually. I could see what she meant by saying that he was only interested in a limited choice of cars, which was quite stupid. I mean the car is meant for my sister to drive, so ultimately it would be her choice in the end. My brother made it that the car he saw at the GM place was the chosen one, despite some objection from me and my sis. The problem I saw with L was the way she went about it. She was vocal, which was unhelpful. In fact, it was really tense for the rest of us.

The tense was carried on for the rest of the ride. We stopped at this truck rental place, and she was acting quite bitchy. Sorry to use the term on her, since she is normally nice, but her attitude in the car today warranted the namesake. My brother calmed down and invited her to look at the trucks. They are moving next Saturday, so he was looking for a truck to shift their things. He was acting nicely, inviting inside. She gave him the silence treatment. So the intensity increased by ten fold from there.

After that, my brother asked if we would have lunch. She insisted on going back home, to the point that she almost raised her voice again. IT was going to be painful. Ken could only do as best as he could, which to stay quiet and to obey.

In that twenty or so minute ride, I felt like killing myself just to get out of the car. It was just bad. BAD.

She left the car as soon as the car got to her place. My brother asked where we'd go for lunch. We ended up going to club. There we spoke of our situation. Ken asked where we'd like to move to once we got our passies back. He suggested that we should move in with him in Hamilton, because it would help us, providing us with shelter, and it would ease his problem by working for him. I don't know how to reply. All I know right now is I want to apply for school, despite the uni starts tomorrow. As for where to sleep, I just don't care. Wherever, but as long as it is as far away from everything as possible. That's all I know. But of course I couldn't say that to him. I just said that I don't know, maybe stay with the douchey couple for the time being if I did get admitted to school. Otherwise, it is most likely I am going to work for him. This though is a predicament that I am trying to solve. Nothing is certain.

My sister pushed me to say that I would want to live with her until I go to school and get a job. I haven't promised her anything yet, because again I don't know for sure of what to do next.

Lunch was done and we departed ways. He drove us back to the house, and he left, possibly going to a friend's house, seeing he wouldn't want to return to a house with a madwoman inside. I wouldn't want to too.

That is our afternoon. Though we did go to the library for alittle bit. Right now the o is taking the children to Uncle K's place. I am making this rice noodle treat for dinner. It was the same meal I had at Ken's last night. I enjoyed it so I am trying to emulate it. Hopefully it'd be good.

Going Auto Shopping

Am going with my brother and his wife to the auto "flea market" in a few minutes. I thought I'd like to blog for a little bit in the while waiting for him to arrive.

Ok he just called I gotta go.

Current Events

• K, I and my brother with his wife have been looking for a car for my sister. We have been at it since Tuesday, going to auction houses to get a bargain. It is all complicated since we have a small budget to begin with. My sister apparently likes a small typed car, which looks similar to a beetle. The ones we looked at, I think her fav is the VW Polo. The price though doesn't match the budget, infact more so than not.
• I am trying to get my japanese studies up to intermediate level. I have been trying to get contacts with people who can teach me the subject on Facebook.
• My brother and his wife are almost done with purchasing the butchery in Hamilton. They are in the process of change of ownership after having done the negotiating. If things are going according to plan, we will move in on the 7th next month.
• My brother had asked me to help him out for the first week. They acquired rent on this apartment in the Hamilton CBD, with two rooms, apparently one for themselves while the other is for moi if I decided to stay there over weekend, or in the while I go help them. My feeling is neutral. I don't think I want to stay there long term, being that I don't feel comfortable and the fact that I hate doing butchery.
• The earthquake that happened in Chch earlier this week in the time I was sitting in the car waiting for my brother and his wife while in the lawyer's office. We stayed there after we had just been to the auction. We heard of the news over the radio. It's sad and I hope the families involved in the quake will find good news.

Unhappy

Unhappy. I just saw Brige two days ago, I felt better, then it reverted back to my bad mood. This is what I am feeling right now. It's the feeling that I don't want to live, because there is no point.

Jealousy. I am envious for the people who have got their things straightened. I hate it.

Do You Trust Me?

I went to see my counsellor at around 6.30pm. I was supposed to see her on Saturday but the car situation permitted the meeting to desolve. I called the centre on Monday to reschedule which I got the appointment for tonight.

Here are what we discussed in today's session;

• We talked about the kids' mum has now changed. She is starting to take the kids to school and back, which made me feel left out as I don't know what to do. She understood that if you want something so bad, suddenly you got, it leaves you feeling empty. I got that sentiment when I was made redundant without the kids to look after.


• With the kids now being taken care off by their mum, do I still want to leave the house. I said I don't know, but still wanting to move as I want more freedom. She proceeded to ask what sort of place do I want to move to, like an apartment with roommates, or a school hostel. I couldn't pick initially as I felt both are the same, with respect to being people I don't know, which is scaring at the same as the financial problem this may cause. In the end, I said the school hostel. I think it's more cheaper.


• The conversation moved to the swimming lesson. I said that I had my uncle taking me, instead of the lesson that I meant to take. The problem was that he also brought his family along, which lessen our time for swimming lesson. She asked if I could tell him to take the lesson more seriously, meaning he shouldn't bring his family. Also, she asked about my relationship with my uncle, is the sort of person I could talk to easily? I responded that he's ok, and I do feel comfortable talking about stuff. At the same time, other things I don't feel I want to trouble him, as he has his family to worry about.


• I told Brige about the short story of Walter Mitty. She brought up about my sleeping habits, which is something I hate doing, I told her. I likened the hate for sleeping with a prelude of fantasing to the charater Walter. I mentioned the story being that I could relate to the title character. Like myself, he fantasises about scenarios that make heroic. The difference is that he sees himself in the fantasies, whereas I view myself being in someone else's shoes achieving those magnificent. So in a way, I am not the hero in my own fantasies.


• She said she'd read the story. Would she see me in the story? I said that I am different in him in regard to our age difference and he thinks of himself the hero within his fantasies. He gets beaten by the people around him, which I always felt in my own everyday memory. But I don't think he is me, but a relatable person.


• We also talked about my anxiety. How the first time I came to see her, I was anxious and didn't want to come in. I was sitting in the car outside, and was shaking and thinking that I shouldn't be here. Brige pushed the conversation to why I felt that I shouldn't come in. I said because of money and time I don't want to waste. WHose money was I spending on counselling? My mum's, which she gave me as pocket money. I said I don't like spending it as I wish to return all the amount she has been giving me. I feel it's dirty and it's a charitable thing that she's doing. Brige of course went on saying that she's my mum, therefore it's her duty to give me the money. Also, she said that lots and lots of mums out there do the same thing, so I shouldn't think this way. I still don't like it.


• The talk about my mum turned to if she knew about me coming here? I said no because she wouldn't like it. She would go bananas, as that would make her look bad in front of others. I think she would think only crazy people go see counsellors. I don't feel ashamed but I don't want people know that I am seeing a counsellor.


• Do I trust Brige? On a scale from one to ten, with one being the relationship horrible and ten is where the trust is mutual, where is our relationship standing? I said that it would be high number. Do I feel anxious with her, after four sessions? I do feel better with entering the door, but not so great in pertaining to talking to her. We then practised sitting right. Her homework for me is to sit properly, with my hands on the side relaxed. There are some habits that we've been teaching ourselves for so long that when an anxiety hits, we would naturally revert to a bad habit, which for me the nail biting and not knowing how to position my hands. I should therefore "unlearn" the bad habits, and substitute it with a good habit, which is sitting relaxingly, and comfortably. If we could do that, we can at least calm down the anxiety, or show less symptions externally.


• Lastly we chatted about the periodic interval in which to see each other. I questioned what is the norm for her to see patients. She said sometimes people prefer to see on a weekly basis, whereas sometimes fortnightly. They could change from seeing her weekly to fortnightly depending on the patient's comfortability. As for me, I honestly said that money is a factor in me seeing her fortnightly, something I'd like to change to a weekly thing. She said yea, we should and she wanted to book me for five weekly sessions for the next five weeks. Also the counselling centre would help me with paying for $25 off the cost for each session. I agreed because I wanted to have someone to talk to, as every two weeks is too long for me. So I am seeing her at the same time next week.

The session was good. I would prefer that we talked about my fear of aging and the number that I hate being. I hope she liked the short story I told her about, and I hope to talk to her about my greatest fear in next week's meeting.

Just arrived home from another night spent at the Lantern Festival. This time though we were going there with my brother and his wife. We had dinner at the pizza place called La Porchetta in the city. Good food and great service. We remained at the festival until the fireworks. It was really awesome. Enjoyed the night very much. Here are the pictures from yesterday night with the kids and tonight's pix;

The firework at the end. It was really good. My cam didn't it justice.
There was a lion and dragon dance in the middle of the food area. I expected more from this really, but it was cool nonetheless.

Lanterns. Many shapes and sizes were present.

Ice cream on waffle with fruits. Jude was enjoying the dessert all by herself.