Shit Happens

The girl is getting on my nerves. She and I just don't get along.

Tonight as I was trying to get her practice her piano, she went " I don't want to. I am saying no!" in the most obnoxious tone. Sht. I was getting pounded by a little girl. I didn't even want to, too, but I felt she probably needed it before going to her piano class. Last lesson she got a lolly because she had practised and obviously it showed, so the tutor gave her it. I envisioned it would be the same this week, thus the asking of her to practise tonight. When she responded with the attitude, it hit me again. The first and foremost reason I don't like her.

So from now on, I don't bother. If she wants to be like this, let her be. Don't bother the fact she'd be getting shouted at by the tutor, who at times does it as the girl is that nuisance to her. This actually makes my life easier.

But at times, I feel sorry for her. When she goes to the piano class without any practise, there is an emotion of not wanting to make her attend a place where she'd most likely get scolded at. The parents apparently don't care, so why should I? Only I cared. Too much, infact. I see the problem everyday, so it actually hit me more as the insult from the tutor is more toward the primary caregiver, aka me. When that happens, I just went into the failure mood. I should've done more, or pretect her from these types of issues.

And then today happened that made me feel even worse for caring. She doesn't bother to put the work in, yet seizes every opportunity to evade work. It just doesn't roll with me, which prompts arguments or animosity between the two of us as tonight had done. Right now I don't even want to see her. That is how betrayed I feel.

Insomnia

For the past month I haven't had a good night sleep. It always consists of my mind wondering in the imaginationland. It is hard for me to concentrate on counting sheep. Yeah, I do attempt to make the sheep help me snooze off, but it was never made to avail.

When last night came to call for sleep, I wasn't doing well in the department to get my head around that idea. It made it worse when I think that morning is only a few hours away, which I don't particularly like. I kept feeling wanting to lay my head and just be off in the snoozefest, but that feeling didn't transcend to sleep at all. Instead, my head began to ache. So the whole night I was battling to sleep, I was also made to fight the new found headache that pound ridiculously strong. It's, like, my head is conspiring against my will.

Of course, my head succumbed and eventually fell asleep. When morning arrived, I couldn't help but felt extremely tiresome. I am sick and tired of having this emotion, the feeling to want but couldn't fall asleep. My sister tells me that it is due to depression, something she always says. She, too, does have moments like this. Yet, the only cure for it to find the courage to acknowledge the pain that is causing the stress. I hate it when she makes sense.

I know the root behind the insomnia but I don't have the means to confront it. It is actually beyond my own apprehension because the people, who have the power to solve this, don't know about my depression and probably don't care. They are sitting at their office tables, eating donuts or whatever. Waiting for the future sure does have a toll to your mental health. These people should have just fcking process the documents faster, or at least tell us when they'd finish, so we can have a foundation in our heads. I know they won't listen.

I tell myself that it'd be not before long that we'd find out when we are standing in this situation. Telling myself is one, but seeing the actual result is another. It was the same thing I said last year, and look at where I am now. I just hope it'd be true this time. It'd be something definitely would cure the insomniac episodes.

Halloween

Oops, I am blogging about the day one day after it happened. I was just crazy last night, feeling down and completely neglected to write about the events . Anyway, this is a catchup story.

So in my neck of the woods, we don't do much trick-or-treating. Only a handful of children wondering around, all dressed up in their princess or prince costumes, asking for candy. My little two are no exception. Last night, they dressed up as a pirate and Tinkle Bell , the same costumes they wore yesteryear, because I couldn't afford to buy them new costumes. The kids didn't mind as sweets are what they were looking forward to the most. Off they went to hunt for the lollies they had been craving for since the morning earlier. My sister took them out while I was not in the mood to do so. They seemed happy and of course very energetic about getting the treats. So the night was a success.

In the earlier events, my brother and his wife came to the house. This came as a shocking revelation in seeing my sister in-law as we haven't seen her for some time. She looked magnificent as always, though a bit sadistic. When we landed at a restaurant for lunch, her mood suddenly changed to replace her quiet self before. She was more talkative, informing about the movie that she and her hubby had seen the previous night which was a horror flick. I was glad to hear that they, at least, spend some quality time together.

After which the lunch was finished, we headed to the new Chinatown around our place. It was quite cool and the children, along with the couple, seemed enjoying the trip. So all was well, I suppose.

Halloween this year is cool. Loved it, and the children obviously loved it too.

Bothersome

Things that bother me right now:

1. The children are being neglected by their own parents. It is really stupid to think that these people are the ones who gave birth to them and yet they don't seem to think that their actions now will have a negative consequence in the future. Take tonight for example; the dad, after having dinner, went straight to the outside living to consume the tv time and he had completely ignored the children who were bored with their head out. The mum was not that helpful either. She would lay on the couch sleeping, unaware that the children were nearby who might be watching the provocative things on tv. I can't help but think for the worst when I leave this place eventually.


2. Each day is like a routine. Yeah like right now, I am doing exactly the same thing I did last night which was using the computer. The thing I can't help it to feel this way, which wasn't my taking in the first place.


3. My sister is going to the doctors yesterday, something she lied to me about. Well, technically she didn't tell the truth. She went out to the doctors when I was asleep. Seeing she came back from somewhere, I had to ask her where she had been, to which she replied that it was nothing. Eventually, I managed to extract some information. She is having problems with her bladerr, apparently it is hurting her. So she is seeing the doctors to find out why is that so? It is nothing major, but the fact that she was so compelled to lie to me about this sort of things tells me she still thinks I am still a child. She now knows though of my sentiment.

The News About Our Futures

Ok the title sould've said last week because I am now blogging on a Monday. I just forgot about posting last night because I was exhausted from spending the day outside. Anyway, it doesn't matter since it is my blog afterall.

The whole had been news packed. On Monday, we spent that day at my brother's house because he had called us to go there to pick this gift from my other bro, who lives in Sydney. This part, I believe, I had written about in an earlier post. So I won't repeat myself.

Tuesday was an anxious day. We only stayed at home because we just wanted to relax and forget about it. Not going into details, but that night I felt sick to the stomach. I didn't want to think of the possibility that the people could answer. It was not a good night sleep.

Wednesday came with us going to the people. We drove and K and I brainstormed of what we would say. She repeatedly told me to remain in the car, because I was in a wreck on the looks of my face. She would say whatever comes to her head if they wanted more information. Of course I trust her, so whatever she tells them I would believe she says it to the best of her ability. When we arrived, we waited for a few minutes, feeling more anxiety. It was time and off she went into the building to find out about my futures.

I waited for about thirty minutes inside the car. I just had a bad feeling. Why did it take this long to just tell you some information? Does she have to answer many questions? Is that why the duration was this long? I then proceeded to occupy my mind by drawing some random pictures on a piece of paper.

Upon her return, she told me not to worry. It was a vague statement, which I took to mean that it was a bad news. She didn't elaborate on it until we reached at a Subway restaurant. We ate there and then she would let go some of the information, saying that it is good. A good sigh of relieve. Though, I shouldn't keep my dreams up, she said, as it is not finalised. She wanted to see the approved documents, then we should be happy. Therefore, we should just keep our hopes high still and don't be cocky about it.

This is contrary to what my sister, fast forward into the night, had questioned me. She asked what do I want to do, uni or work? This is a bit weird as we already spoke about not keeping our dreams until the final results are in. But I can't blame her for this. She and I have been deprived of hoping for a better future for the last ten years, so in the least we can have this moment to dream. She talked about where we would live and how we would earn for a living. It was then that she informed me of what the people had told and how we would expect an answer by two weeks or so. Good to hear.

Thursday came and nothing spectacular occurred. We just relaxed and we chatted even more about what to do after this is all done.

Friday was the day we spent at my brother's house again. He texted me, asking us to visit him and have lunch there. Before we complied, K wanted to have a hair cut. A new look. She and I were then drove off to the hair salon. About thirty minutes to noon, we headed to my brother's place. We ate there, watched tv and Youtube, and whatelse, called my mum. It was just a routine. We didn't let go of the information to my brother or to my mum until we truly know about it. So in the meanwhile, whenever they ask about it, our response will have to be to wait some more.

Saturday was quite average in that the children were shifted to their classes respectively. The builders came to take out the bathroom sink and they told us not to expect a replacement for two weeks, apparently their boss is out of town or something like that. My Mandarin isn't that good. Then out of nowhere, my aunt came back home and gossiped a disturbing piece of news. She said my littlest uncle and his wife want a DIVORCE. Really. That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard from them. And they have made so many stupid things. If the split is to really proceed, I think they are really myopic and are selfish individuals.

Yesterday was an eventful day. Ken came to the house and took us out to have lunch. We spent the day with him just window shopping. The children tagged along as Gran was absent from her house. The children were extremely annoying. They asked alot, when they saw things at the store and wanted us to buy the items for them. Yeah, as if I grow money from trees. It was an exhausting experience as my body was tiring out by evening. So upon returning to this house, I had a nap which made me forget to blog.

So there you go, the week. It had it's share of good news like the Wednesday event and of bad news like the news of divorce of uncle and his wife. Just another week to survive...

Learning About The Outcome

It is good news afterall. I don't know what is the true outcome yet as my sister is hoarding the information to herself. She went in this morning without me, as I was more emotionally connected to it and she not wanting me to feel any more worse. So when she came out, she did not tell me about what the people had told her. She, however, warranteed me that it is good.

I trust my sister. She is afterall the only person I've lived with all my life. So when she decides not she doesn't feel right in sharing with me some information, I believe she has the best interest for me. I will find out eventually.

When will the outcome be finalised? My sister says the people don't know yet. It is thought to be by Christmas, because what they are doing is formalising all the documents, which they say, won't be long. Hopefully it will be true.

Shoot!

SH*T!!!