Random Thoughts

• I got this feeling that I might become or have already transitioned myself into somebody I despise so much. Earlier in the week Jordan had forgotten his school shoes at school. I was angry that he was so careless about his possessions and I didn't like the fact that he seemed unconcerned about it. I thought this is the product of his parents' non-disciplinary that the kids just believe they can just new ones when lost. I told him that he shouldn't have lost his schools and he had to go to find them. The tone I used, however, was very combative to point I sounded like a douche. Obviously after the blaming, I felt incredibly upset over my behaviour. I apologised to the boy when he returned from school that afternoon. The shoes, unfortunately, are in the land of lost things.
• I am so tired right now. It is 11.32pm here and my brain is telling me to go to sleep. My body, however refuses to obey because I want to use the time being on the internet, doing stuff without the distraction from the kids as tomorrow will be Saturday. That is one of the reasons I hate being here, it is that I get to delay my interests to the time when the kids are asleep rather do it whenever I feel like it. I know life is fair, so I'm trying to get used to it.
• I just played the games of cards with K, and it was good old fun. She was beating me in the game of 13 whilst the reverse was on the game of speed. It took my mind of off the bad things in my head, at least for the time being.
• Money issue. I wanted to spend less these days because the money that is used is not mine nor it is K's. But the rate in which we spend it is quite careless. So I have to tell K about it.
• BAd skin. Why do i care so much such superficial thing? My mind has nothing else to worry over, so it chooses the next visible problem to fixate on.
• I began to gradually build some muscles. I began the regime this week, though I wasn't really into it. I tell myself repeatedly as I was exercising that after departing this confinement I will focus more on looking better, thus increase the workout. My goal is to build muscles, and looking fit. Unlike me in my current state.