I am at a low again. I don't understand on how to be happy. Little things would make me feel bad. They accumulate until it becomes more than I could handle. I don't know how to cope. I am dying. Inside, piece by piece....

I hate that. I hate that I am that person. I hate that i am the person I hate. I hate that the person I hate is very person that I am, and I can't change it.

Epiphany...

I signed up wanting to foolishly create the next best thing on the internet. Apparently, it was harder than thought. So now I am back to blogging on blogger, where I will continue writing the poetic sadness that is called me.

I just had an epiphany. It's funny because for the last few weeks, which can extend to the last ten years of my existence, I was lost. Now I have this life goal that I wish to achieve. I am not sure when it will be completed, but it will be a long time.

Post Hibernation

Excuse for the lack of posts for the last month. I have been very busy and everything was mess because I started uni. It was just that alot happened in a short life span which you know I couldn't handle in the first place. I am grateful that it is almost over.

There is something at uni that makes you feel like you're not doing well. Maybe it's the way the lecturers go on and on and they were rushing things. It was diffcult for me to comprehend how quick they teach. It was like if you miss a week's worth of lectures, you will have to catch on a year's worth of high school. For me, even though I had been there the whole time, I was still not going well. I think my body was there, but the spirit was in hibernation still.

I will try to blog more, I am not going to promise it but I will try.

Tuesday Blues

Today I had a panick attack. It was all about my life, my immediate future and my concern for the wellbeing of my whole family. I am weak in this field because I want everything to go great. This night, everything was collapsing on me. I couldn't believe that I was that weak not to deter such emotive feelings.

THere are so many troubles in my life right now. I had to go to uni, which I felt hard to do. The morning classes in particular are hard to wake up for. This very morning I couldn't get up, but when I did, I couldn't make it in time to Bio. I had to sit on the steps, where the slides on the projection made my life even more difficult. THe lecturer was going way too fast.

Then there was the time spending on looking for stationery, and for other school related stuff, which further made the financial situation more complicated. I had to spend around $200 in total for the text books. It's reall hard to contemplate about such spending. But I had to do it.

The worst of all the problems are my stay in this house. I just felt that my sister deserves something better than this. I don't like the way they are telling us not to cook in the kitchen because they fear we stink up the place, thus ruining their clothes. I understand their point of view, but I don't like it. I do want to cook, so does my sister. We are experimental cooks which require the kitchen.

The good thing is that my sister received a phone call from my d, telling us about my bro Ken came to the place and did't like the sight. He went to tell my family about it, and now he is helping us out of this place, which to my sister, it is a good thing. I know that we won't be living here long, but I didn't expect it to be this quick. But in the end, it is about our wellbeing, so I don't mind much.

Back to Reality and First Day at Uni

Im back! It's still a mystery as to what happened last week. I remember going to Sydney for a week, then all of a sudden, I've returned to reality, here in Auckland. It was a good fun time, but I am back to school.

The trip was really excellent. For the first time in a very long time, I had felt I belonged. I don't know, but for the time spending with the people over there, I made the connections to the people who are in the family.

Places we had been to were;

• Cabramatta
• Parramatta
• Liverpool Shopping Mall
  
• Wollongong
• Opera House
• Chinatown

And the likes. M cried as we went to board our plane. She was going too, but when I saw her expression like she had shown, I really wanted to comfort her. I knew how she felt.

Now I am back to uni. ACtually, it's a false statement being I hadn't been to uni before. Today is first ever uni experience, and it felt good. I felt normal, got lost a few times, looking for classes, and the experience was great in that I joined this Chinese Association. Good.

Opera House

Australia is beautiful. To be more specific, Sydney is awesomely stunning. Today, we headed to the Opera House and it was as beautiful as they mention in the pamphlets. Heaps of photos were taken, and yet we weren't able to make ourselves leave. It was that cool.

We also went to the Sydney Aquarium, then to Paddy's Market, Chinatown, all the while enjoying ourselves in the beautiful blue sky weather.

Oh and the trains are double decker so it was good, compared to the ones we got in Akld.

Sydney

Guess where I am now?

I'm right now in SYDNEY. It's really awesome. For as far as I can see, the city is great. Much much food to choose from. It makes the city that I am from looks like an ugly brother. It is.