We are all affected by the weather in some way. Some of us don't like rainy days, so they prefer staying in during this time. Some don't like sunny days, as it is not the weather condition to suit them. SOme more prefer the weather that is clowdy, lessening the effect of sunburnt. The weather has a way to affect people's mood, so that is why it is one of the most asked questions you ask or get asked by a stranger.
I, on the other hand, don't like talking about it. I think it is such a generic question that people now use to fill in the silence among those who don't know each other that well. LIke asking somebody how they were, only the question was used as a polite gesture, but didn't truly desire to hear what the answerer's day had been. So what other things can you ask people about? Well, for one, ask what you really want to know about them. If you don't think they'll like the questions, then don't communicate with them at all. THey'll also appreciate as well.
By the way, today in my corner of the world, it is exceptionally sunny. Very beautiful.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
1111
It is an interesting day. It has four one's which makes it the loneliest day in the year.
That is not what I wanted to say about why it is special. Today also marks the 10th anniversary of the most dramatic change in my life. It was ten years ago that my mum decided a change for a better future for us. Now looking back, it doesn;t seem it was worth it. Sure, I am not in the same state as some people living in poverty, but the condition which was laid on me through the ten years had weathered really some hideous memories. I really wish for better future that my mum had intially invisioned would come true very soon.
That is not what I wanted to say about why it is special. Today also marks the 10th anniversary of the most dramatic change in my life. It was ten years ago that my mum decided a change for a better future for us. Now looking back, it doesn;t seem it was worth it. Sure, I am not in the same state as some people living in poverty, but the condition which was laid on me through the ten years had weathered really some hideous memories. I really wish for better future that my mum had intially invisioned would come true very soon.
New Langauge
Something occurred to me today. Yes, it is a rarity but it hit me as I was cleaning the house. I thought if I could come up with a new language, I could be something of great, which I was always inspired to become. Wishful thinking, I know.
Anyway, the new language I thought of was Chinese-based.The ancient Chinese used to draw pictographs represent an idea. These pictographs eventually evolve to the current state of the language. I figured what if I could go back to the ancient times and use these pictographs again. Of course, the difference is that they are drawn to show the exact meaning of the pictograph. For expamle, the word road would be a drawing of a road with cars on it. Obviously, the picture must be simple for ease of writing it but still recognisable. So you see, the concept would be universal, since every corner of the world knows what a road looks like. You wouldn't need a dictionary for this. Pronunciation, grammar, syntax come later as the words are created first.
The conceptual thought of this is only beginning. I think I will spend some of my free time on further developing it.
What do you think about it, aye?
Anyway, the new language I thought of was Chinese-based.The ancient Chinese used to draw pictographs represent an idea. These pictographs eventually evolve to the current state of the language. I figured what if I could go back to the ancient times and use these pictographs again. Of course, the difference is that they are drawn to show the exact meaning of the pictograph. For expamle, the word road would be a drawing of a road with cars on it. Obviously, the picture must be simple for ease of writing it but still recognisable. So you see, the concept would be universal, since every corner of the world knows what a road looks like. You wouldn't need a dictionary for this. Pronunciation, grammar, syntax come later as the words are created first.
The conceptual thought of this is only beginning. I think I will spend some of my free time on further developing it.
What do you think about it, aye?
Too Much Time on Hand
Every weekdays I have free time when the children are off to school. I have six hours of kids-free to myself, and I would comtemplate on what to spend my hours on. Of course, as studious that I was when I was in school, I would tell myself to spend my hours on filling it with productive work such as doing some reading and some studying of foreign languages, Japanese and French in particular. However, whenever the time comes to do these things, I become stoic about it. I would tell myself that I can always do them when I eventually return to school (if that day ever comes). I would then turn to do something else that is less productive like computer games, tv watching, going on the internet like right now. I seem to don't have to control over my mind about what I would do. It's like having one devil and one angel standing on my either side of my shoulders, trying to persuade me to go their way. Always, the devil wins. It's the more fun choice.
Then when two o'clock hits, I get out of what I would be doing, and try to clean up the house. THis would consume approximately 20 minutes. I would, then, go get some snacks or drinks which takes another 10 mintues of the half hour I have left. When quater to three comes, my mind becomes depressed. It would be preoccupied with such mindless thoughts like I would turn to depression for any way of excuse. I would question about the time spent. What did I do today to justify my wake this morning?
Furthermore, I feel that when I don't get what I was meant to do, I don't want the children to come home. I always feel this selfishness in my head telling me that I only freedom to choose when to be lazy. That is one of the reasons I don;t to be here. It limits what I can do and can't do to which time I want. IT sucks living with people who don;t think freedom should be expressed freely, just because these people were raised themselves in a small confined space, where every step is being surveilled by your family. This is 21st century, for Pete's sake, and they don't seem to realise it.
Other times when Pem doesn't go to work, she and I would go about in a car. We would just go until three o'clock. I prefer this way, because I don't want to be confined here when I have the choice of going out to see some light. But the same feeling of depression always comes crawling back at the sight of the number three approaching on the clock.
Then when two o'clock hits, I get out of what I would be doing, and try to clean up the house. THis would consume approximately 20 minutes. I would, then, go get some snacks or drinks which takes another 10 mintues of the half hour I have left. When quater to three comes, my mind becomes depressed. It would be preoccupied with such mindless thoughts like I would turn to depression for any way of excuse. I would question about the time spent. What did I do today to justify my wake this morning?
Furthermore, I feel that when I don't get what I was meant to do, I don't want the children to come home. I always feel this selfishness in my head telling me that I only freedom to choose when to be lazy. That is one of the reasons I don;t to be here. It limits what I can do and can't do to which time I want. IT sucks living with people who don;t think freedom should be expressed freely, just because these people were raised themselves in a small confined space, where every step is being surveilled by your family. This is 21st century, for Pete's sake, and they don't seem to realise it.
Other times when Pem doesn't go to work, she and I would go about in a car. We would just go until three o'clock. I prefer this way, because I don't want to be confined here when I have the choice of going out to see some light. But the same feeling of depression always comes crawling back at the sight of the number three approaching on the clock.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Waiting for the Bus that Doesn't Come
Kim raised something interesting today. As we were out on our usual car get-away, I was telling her that we are living in a rut. It was usual in that the conversation was again about the oppression we are experiencing in this house. Then, I told her that there is a saying that "one must live life to fullest, and treat each day as if it is their last" and we are seriously violating the most important code of life's conduct.
Kim only responded with "instead, we live for tomorrow."
This line really hit on me. It is so true. I remember the many years before, I kept asking mum to get us out of this house. Kim was advocating more so than I was back then. She kept saying things like it will destroy her and the children if things were to continue the way it was. In deed, that prophecy became reality, as evident by everything at present. The response from mum was that we should wait for the situation to settle. The situation here is ambiguous, because I can;t share it right here. She kept persisting that we wait for the papers to come. The repetitions of her response was done half yearly. She would renew her response when the news of our situation changes.
At first, I remembered she said that we only have to wait until what the experts have to say. Would they support us or not? If not, go back home. If so, wait until the papers get back. SO that was the initiation of the waiting game that, back then, Kim and I weren't aware of. Then when they agreed to support us and they lodged an application to these other office persons. We waited and waited only to get a rejection six months or so later on.
Kim and I were obviously devastated by the outcome. We were hoping for a new change, and a new found freedom that comes with it. Prior to finding out the outcome, Kim would ask me hypothetical questions about what the favouable news would do to my life. I was really entrenched by the imaginary world that the questions had posed on me to ponder. However, it only lasted that long. With the unfavourable news that didi come, Kim was ready to move on. I was hesitant at first, but it was inevitable. We talked to mum about going back home. She agreed and we even set a date for departure from this house. The douche bag and the oppressed, however, weren't concerned by the revelation that we were leaving. I wanted them to find a suitable nanny for the kids, in due time I was leaving. Therefore, the transition would be more gradual for the kids to adjust. This is not what they were thinking. The oppressed told Kim that if we decide to leave, just leave. She will, then, call to our cousins who are in my age range, to come replacing us.
WHAT!!! I was so pissed at that. I mean it goes to show that they don;t care about their own children. I thought it is common sense that with any change children are the most vulnerable. Therefore, you need to try to at least minimise the impact for them. In this case, make the transition more gradual in that the children will have time to adjust to the new nanny. And, in the side, I would have more time to myself to worry about the change I was at the time facing as well. Everybody would have been protected in some way from the potential bomb.
Moving to the main point, I was unhappy at I had to wait some more when the unfavourable outcome turned out to be glitch in our case. We had some other back-up from this miracle. Then we waited for three more months. It turned out, it was bad again. But the supporter in the first instance noticed that there is an inconsistency in our case and further lodged it.
That is where we are at. The office people had agreed to our scenario, but of course as with my track record of good luck, there is a heckup that we had to deal with. Now, we have to wait a bit longer for it to come back and to see about the true result.
Mum used these changes in our case to keep us in this jail.
Her most current respond: "Wait until Christmas is over."
Kim only responded with "instead, we live for tomorrow."
This line really hit on me. It is so true. I remember the many years before, I kept asking mum to get us out of this house. Kim was advocating more so than I was back then. She kept saying things like it will destroy her and the children if things were to continue the way it was. In deed, that prophecy became reality, as evident by everything at present. The response from mum was that we should wait for the situation to settle. The situation here is ambiguous, because I can;t share it right here. She kept persisting that we wait for the papers to come. The repetitions of her response was done half yearly. She would renew her response when the news of our situation changes.
At first, I remembered she said that we only have to wait until what the experts have to say. Would they support us or not? If not, go back home. If so, wait until the papers get back. SO that was the initiation of the waiting game that, back then, Kim and I weren't aware of. Then when they agreed to support us and they lodged an application to these other office persons. We waited and waited only to get a rejection six months or so later on.
Kim and I were obviously devastated by the outcome. We were hoping for a new change, and a new found freedom that comes with it. Prior to finding out the outcome, Kim would ask me hypothetical questions about what the favouable news would do to my life. I was really entrenched by the imaginary world that the questions had posed on me to ponder. However, it only lasted that long. With the unfavourable news that didi come, Kim was ready to move on. I was hesitant at first, but it was inevitable. We talked to mum about going back home. She agreed and we even set a date for departure from this house. The douche bag and the oppressed, however, weren't concerned by the revelation that we were leaving. I wanted them to find a suitable nanny for the kids, in due time I was leaving. Therefore, the transition would be more gradual for the kids to adjust. This is not what they were thinking. The oppressed told Kim that if we decide to leave, just leave. She will, then, call to our cousins who are in my age range, to come replacing us.
WHAT!!! I was so pissed at that. I mean it goes to show that they don;t care about their own children. I thought it is common sense that with any change children are the most vulnerable. Therefore, you need to try to at least minimise the impact for them. In this case, make the transition more gradual in that the children will have time to adjust to the new nanny. And, in the side, I would have more time to myself to worry about the change I was at the time facing as well. Everybody would have been protected in some way from the potential bomb.
Moving to the main point, I was unhappy at I had to wait some more when the unfavourable outcome turned out to be glitch in our case. We had some other back-up from this miracle. Then we waited for three more months. It turned out, it was bad again. But the supporter in the first instance noticed that there is an inconsistency in our case and further lodged it.
That is where we are at. The office people had agreed to our scenario, but of course as with my track record of good luck, there is a heckup that we had to deal with. Now, we have to wait a bit longer for it to come back and to see about the true result.
Mum used these changes in our case to keep us in this jail.
Her most current respond: "Wait until Christmas is over."
Random Thoughts
Things on my mind right now;
- I want, so badly from every bone of my body, to get out of this place. I haven't spoken to the douche bag and the oppressed since the bid incident last Tuesday. THey are truly embracing the new found fire toward me and Kim. I don't want to deal with these f***ed up people.
- I got a huge headache. It's pounding my temple as if there is an explosion in there. I can feel the veins making a punching match. Stop it!
- It's Monday and I don't want tomorrow to come. Tuesday till Wednesday only means that Kim will have to go to the shop to lend a hand. I think they don't want her to be there, but in some sense, they want her to get out the house and be their slave, even if it is for momentarily. Kim doesn't like going there either, but she doesn't have a choice. Surrounding people expect that for we live in their confinement. Fuck that!! First I never wanted to reside here in the first place, so why should I repay something I don;t even ask for. Second, they're only doing this to keep us working for them. They have this fixed mind that everyone should work to death. Finally, we don;t get extra pay for working during our supposedly free time from the children. Shit.
- I've noticed today that I seem to have aged alot. I look like I'm in my 30's as opposed to my real age which is 20. The stress, the hate and anger sentiment in the house have caused this. I really hope I can reverse the cycle or at least minimise the permanent effect after leaving this jail.
- Kim had a cavity removed today, costing $220. Fuck, these dentists are the true robbers in our society. It is only legal because they do it under the name of health. Gosh, $220 for cavity removal?!!! It's way too out of line.
- Vietnamese filled buns are delicious. Had one today at lunch time and it was devine.
- Ken doesn't like the butchery at the inlet. I was actually persuasive to him that the butchery, to me at least, was good. It is suitable for them , as it only employs 3 people and the hours are not too bad- 6 days. I don;t think he bought it though.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Shanghai Garden
I want to visit Shanghai someday. This picture only reinforces that. Beautiful garden.
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