Blah!

So yesterday sucked. We worked to almost 11pm, and it was until 1 that i was able to go to sleep. My mind is shit right now. I can't think straight. Day in and day out, the same events occur. I don;t know how they do it. How they bring themselves to rise up and routinely go through them again and again.

Unasleep

It's 1.37am as I am writing this. I have to get up later at 5am for work. Shoot, I'm gonna be screwed for the whole day. Yet I can't sleep.

It's the mentality. It keeps being busy.

Back to the place that I said I wasn't gonna come back. It's the guilt that got back. I know I should toughen up but it doesn't seem that way. Next semester will my new beginning. Something big will happen. I promise.

Exams are over!!!!! Finally!!! =)

Exams are coming...

Exams are fast approaching and I am scared. I am so unprepared for them and the sucky thing is that my exams are so close to one another. Infact, they are only one day apart for the three of them, while my last one has only two day break from the other one. It is scary considering that I don't have much time to study and based on what I am doing, it seems I am less motivated ever to do actual studying at all. 

I imagined myself being educated. But then I don't do anything about it. I don't really make time for myself to work on materials that enhance my future. I know that, yet I don't do anything about it. 

Take today for today for example. I was supposed to start on reading for  the coming exams. I didn't. Instead, I went shopping with my sis and her friends. I didn't even look into study materials. I am hating that I do this, but I still do it. My sis tells me that I should do the opposite of what my brain tells me. In that case, the body does it first, the brain comes forth later on. It's stupid but that's how successful people fool their brains to work in their favour. That's how I should fool my brain to work to study better, thus achieve the grades I deserve. 

That's what I am trying to accomplish here. To an extent it's working.

I am at a low again. I don't understand on how to be happy. Little things would make me feel bad. They accumulate until it becomes more than I could handle. I don't know how to cope. I am dying. Inside, piece by piece....

I hate that. I hate that I am that person. I hate that i am the person I hate. I hate that the person I hate is very person that I am, and I can't change it.

Epiphany...

I signed up wanting to foolishly create the next best thing on the internet. Apparently, it was harder than thought. So now I am back to blogging on blogger, where I will continue writing the poetic sadness that is called me.

I just had an epiphany. It's funny because for the last few weeks, which can extend to the last ten years of my existence, I was lost. Now I have this life goal that I wish to achieve. I am not sure when it will be completed, but it will be a long time.